So I am determined to do something new ... something new every day for 31 days and blog about it. Yes, everyday a new post. This will be a challenge for me but it will be a fun challenge.
Today's was kind of lame and I hate to admit that but it is true. So they will get better I promise :)
Day-1
What's new today?
Dressed up for no good reason. I got up on time-ish and took care of myself.
How is this new?
Well, I usually get up and throw clothes on and run out the door.
Why this?
This is not what I originally choose, hence the lameness. My first choice was to get up at 5am, get ready, go see the sun rise and get caught up with homework. When you look at what I wanted to do compared to what I did it explains why it is lame.
Is this something that will be continued?
Yes, I want to continue taking better care of myself and plan on doing more of this. Over the past 6-7 months I have started trying to take better care of myself and look a little better put together on the outside. It started with a funny conversation with a co-worker and has turned into me painting my nails, wearing make-up more regularly, and dressing more feminine. So this will definitely be continued.
Are there any negatives to this?
Well yes, there are. My fear with this one is becoming materialistic. God has made it very clear to me that He wants me to be in the foreign mission field. There is really no room for materialism there and here it becomes a way to distract us from the bigger issues of life. This is something I really want to avoid, but I also want to be presentable.
More to come tomorrow.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Islamophobia?
This week Arkansas State University had Zahra Billoo, J.D. speak two nights in their Lecture-Concert series. She gave two talks; the first was titled "Know Your Rights," and the second "Islamophobia." I was only able to attend the second lecture, however, I walked away feeling more knowledgeable. So I want to share some of that with you, whoever you may be. I wish I would have been able to attend Zahra's first lecture, however, I am only able to report on what I have heard and the research I have done.
So what is Islamophobia? Islamophobia is the closed minded hatred toward Muslims/Islam. Pre-9/11 Muslims did not scare most Americans the way there mere presence seemed to frighten us post-9/11. I have come to realize, after having worked with students from over 70 countries and various backgrounds, that just because someone's skin color or religion or birth place is different from my own I should not fear them. Many of my friends are from different parts of the world. Some of my friends are from different parts of the U.S, yet I am not afraid of them because they are like me ... they have had similar experiences with religion and education and family dynamics. For some reason when it comes to people from other countries we tense up and begin to worry. They are different from us, yes this is true; they are not to be feared, just like they should not fear us either.
Think back, way back. Think about the treatment of immigrants when they started coming to the U.S. Think about the treatment of blacks. They were treated differently by whites based on the color of their skin. There is so much to be learned from people of different backgrounds and they have so much they can learn from us as well. The U.S. is a cultural melting pot, we have people from every country, background, and religion you can think of (and some you probably didn't know existed). We discriminate because of a difference that internationals, immigrants, blacks (and anyone else I have forgotten) cannot control. They cannot control their skin color or heritage or culture just like you are not able to control those things. This is how they were born and what they were born into. You were born the same way, yet somehow we have come to the conclusion that one race is better than another.
Zahra reminded us, "Muslims have been in the U.S. since the slave trade." When we go back and look at the history of slavery and the history of the slaves in the U.S. it is easy to see that Muslims were brought over just like everyone else. Islam is very common in Africa, so having slaves from Africa we were bound to have Muslims in the mix. This should come as no shock to me, but for some reason I had to sit and soak this in and remind myself of the truth behind her words. Islam is not a new concept, however "the most talked about religion in the U.S. media is Islam" (Zahra Billoo, J.D.). Islam is seen in a very negative light in the U.S. As a Christian I have read about and have been taught Jesus' ministry. Jesus loved people and had compassion on them. One of the worst things we can do as Christians is treat people as though they are not worth existing. For example: children were walking to the Mosque one Sunday, people lined the sidewalk and stood across the street (some brought their dogs to bark at the children) shouting "Jesus hates you." Zahra said from her studies she has not seen where Christ said he hated anyone. I, too, agree with her statement. Christ had compassion on the crowds. He saw their sin and He knew they were lost. He did not shout obscenities at them as they walked to the Mosque.
Zahra made a very powerful statement, "No matter your religious belief or skin color, we have to get to know each other." Christ has commissioned those who follow Him to "go into all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that He has commanded us," (Matthew 28:16-19). The nations have come to us, yet we are afraid of them and telling others to fear them. This does not show them love or respect in anyway shape or form. There are several things going on in our government right now that do attack religion, Zahra commented on this saying "An attack on anyone's religion and rights to practice that religion is an attack on all of us." She is right, if an American Muslim has their religious freedoms threatened it means a tighter reign on all religions. We may be praying to different gods but they still deserve to be treated with respect.
We are only doing ourselves a disservice by choosing to be ignorant and push such people away. They have so much to teach us about the world and we have so much to teach them. Make friends with internationals, ask them questions, find out about their background ... I dare you. This is something I have been doing for 3 1/2 years and it is nothing less than rewarding. If you never step out and take the chance you will miss out on something truly great, knowledge.
So I dare you to change your ignorance into intelligence. Learn something new today, tomorrow, and everyday after. What do you have to lose?
So what is Islamophobia? Islamophobia is the closed minded hatred toward Muslims/Islam. Pre-9/11 Muslims did not scare most Americans the way there mere presence seemed to frighten us post-9/11. I have come to realize, after having worked with students from over 70 countries and various backgrounds, that just because someone's skin color or religion or birth place is different from my own I should not fear them. Many of my friends are from different parts of the world. Some of my friends are from different parts of the U.S, yet I am not afraid of them because they are like me ... they have had similar experiences with religion and education and family dynamics. For some reason when it comes to people from other countries we tense up and begin to worry. They are different from us, yes this is true; they are not to be feared, just like they should not fear us either.
Think back, way back. Think about the treatment of immigrants when they started coming to the U.S. Think about the treatment of blacks. They were treated differently by whites based on the color of their skin. There is so much to be learned from people of different backgrounds and they have so much they can learn from us as well. The U.S. is a cultural melting pot, we have people from every country, background, and religion you can think of (and some you probably didn't know existed). We discriminate because of a difference that internationals, immigrants, blacks (and anyone else I have forgotten) cannot control. They cannot control their skin color or heritage or culture just like you are not able to control those things. This is how they were born and what they were born into. You were born the same way, yet somehow we have come to the conclusion that one race is better than another.
Zahra reminded us, "Muslims have been in the U.S. since the slave trade." When we go back and look at the history of slavery and the history of the slaves in the U.S. it is easy to see that Muslims were brought over just like everyone else. Islam is very common in Africa, so having slaves from Africa we were bound to have Muslims in the mix. This should come as no shock to me, but for some reason I had to sit and soak this in and remind myself of the truth behind her words. Islam is not a new concept, however "the most talked about religion in the U.S. media is Islam" (Zahra Billoo, J.D.). Islam is seen in a very negative light in the U.S. As a Christian I have read about and have been taught Jesus' ministry. Jesus loved people and had compassion on them. One of the worst things we can do as Christians is treat people as though they are not worth existing. For example: children were walking to the Mosque one Sunday, people lined the sidewalk and stood across the street (some brought their dogs to bark at the children) shouting "Jesus hates you." Zahra said from her studies she has not seen where Christ said he hated anyone. I, too, agree with her statement. Christ had compassion on the crowds. He saw their sin and He knew they were lost. He did not shout obscenities at them as they walked to the Mosque.
Zahra made a very powerful statement, "No matter your religious belief or skin color, we have to get to know each other." Christ has commissioned those who follow Him to "go into all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that He has commanded us," (Matthew 28:16-19). The nations have come to us, yet we are afraid of them and telling others to fear them. This does not show them love or respect in anyway shape or form. There are several things going on in our government right now that do attack religion, Zahra commented on this saying "An attack on anyone's religion and rights to practice that religion is an attack on all of us." She is right, if an American Muslim has their religious freedoms threatened it means a tighter reign on all religions. We may be praying to different gods but they still deserve to be treated with respect.
We are only doing ourselves a disservice by choosing to be ignorant and push such people away. They have so much to teach us about the world and we have so much to teach them. Make friends with internationals, ask them questions, find out about their background ... I dare you. This is something I have been doing for 3 1/2 years and it is nothing less than rewarding. If you never step out and take the chance you will miss out on something truly great, knowledge.
So I dare you to change your ignorance into intelligence. Learn something new today, tomorrow, and everyday after. What do you have to lose?
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Taking a Chance and Making Some Changes
For some reason, my whole life I have wanted to just uproot my life and travel the world. There is so much to be seen and so much to do outside of tiny city (compared to the rest of the world). This week I read an article or blog post or what-not titled Stop Delaying That Big Trip. Stop it. (click here to read it). Reading it made me really thankful for some recent changes in my life and has encouraged me to look at some things in a different perspective.
After I graduated high school in 2006 I went on a 1 week mission trip to Venezuela. Since then I have been dying to go back outside the country and never seemed to be able to go. The next two summers (2007 and 2008) I went on a Christian training project called Orlando Project with Campus Outreach. It was great but just fueled my desire to travel even more. We worked at Universal Studios our first summer and then we worked at Sea World (that summer we worked at a resort and it was AMAZING). I continued to meet people from all over the world everyday both summers. In 2008 I started working with international students. Once again, it just fueled the fire in my heart to drop everything I know and move thousands of miles away where I could see cultures, religions, and people for what they really are. So in November (2011) I started talking to a friend of mine who lives in Italy and decided in March I would go visit her. So in about 3 1/2 weeks I will be getting on a plane headed to Rome. There will be a few stops in other countries as I change planes (Canada, Germany, Italy, and Switzerland are all the airports I will be visiting). It is almost a thrill to know I am about to travel half way around the world with no plan. When I say no plan, I mean I have nothing scheduled; no meetings, no deadlines, nothing is required of me except to go and enjoy myself. I get a real vacation, I get to do what I have been waiting for my entire life.
Most people are what is holding them back from their dreams. My friends know me as the safe one, the man with the plan. They know me as Business Bailey or Fanny Pack Mom. I am the one who doesn't take big risks or chances because there are so many things to be cautious of, but if we caution ourselves to the very point that we get in the way of ourselves we have lead very boring lives. Think about the craziest thing you have ever done. What was it? What did you do to get there? At this point of my life I have traveled outside the country without family and swam (and surfed) in shark infested waters (New Smyrna Beach, Florida is in the top 10 list for most shark attacks in the world), in 3 1/2 weeks I will be traveling out of the country completely alone for holiday. Reading the article I mentioned earlier, it brought up things I have heard others say and things I have said or thought to myself.
"If I don't do it now, I probably never will. - I couldn't live with that."
I too could not live with the fact that I have not done what I have always wanted to do, travel. So travel I will. My goal for 2012 is to travel outside the US twice. In March I will be going to Italy. Hopefully in May I will be going to India, if this trip does not work out I am all but begging my boss to let me go with the other recruiters to China. There are also some other trips I am looking into, but that is for another post another time.
"To act as though traveling- especially when you're young - is some kind of insane luxury that is utterly unattainable unless the stars align perfectly and God hands you a couple hundred dollar bills while no one is looking is ludicrous."
With each new year comes new friends and new places and new-ness in general. I didn't make any new years resolutions or anything, however I did decide I am going to be myself and live more. These are two things I often forget to do because I have become so cautious of everything around me that taking chances pretty much went out the window. I viewed traveling as an "insane luxury that (was) utterly unattainable" until it suddenly hit me ... I am not married, have no kids, and nothing truly holding me back but myself. The adventurous spirit I once had was somehow gone. God did make it possible for me to go on this trip and continues to open doors for future travel. But I started making changes in my life to make this possible. If you want something you typically do something to make it work. Well, I decided to get certified to teach EFL (English as a Foreign Language) and finish my degree. This will allow me to eventually move outside of the country and travel to where the next job takes me. Told you, the adventurer in me is back :).
“You’re so young. Go see the world, then come back and build your life."
So go, figure out who you are and what you want to do with your life. You only get one, so choose to live it well and with purpose.
For the most part, jumping out and taking the chance to do this has reminded me of what I want to do with life. God has made it very clear to me that my current city will not be my home forever. The US is not my home, and ultimately the Earth is not my home (not that I am going to live on Mars or anything). My heart is to move overseas to share the gospel and fulfill the purpose God has given me.
Oh and don't you worry, I will be posting about my trip(s). :)
Thursday, February 16, 2012
My Heart Belongs to a Stranger
It has been over a month since I have written anything not work or school related and it is hard to know where to start. My mind has been in overdrive the past couple of weeks and has caused me to be extremely exhausted about 85% of the time. Not fun, let me tell you! However, God has laid some things on my heart and putting pen to paper is a bit slower than typing. Currently my brain cannot handle slow; like I said it is in overdrive. The Lord has reminded me today that although I have not been spending as much time alone with Him as I would like, my heart still belongs to Him.
The Lord
My heart belongs to the Lord, first and foremost, yet it is the relationship I seem to be working at the least. The Lord is sadly becoming a stranger to me because I am slowly but surely lusting after the world (material things I don't need, laziness, etc.). He has given me a heart to work with women from other countries and share the Gospel with them, but in order to be useful I need to be spending time with Him. I have allowed myself to be extremely bogged down with school and work. Rather than take things at a slow pace I am rushing through to finish faster in order to be on a foreign mission field (tell you more about that in the next little segment). I have put my wants and desires ahead of those of the Lover of my soul. The one who paid a price so high I could never repay, He is the one I have neglected. My heart belongs to a stranger named Christ. He holds my heart no matter how close to Him or how far away from Him I make myself. He continues to show love and grace and mercy everyday, even though I do not deserve a single serving. He also reminds me of His love and promises in His own unique way; whether it be waking up to a much needed encouraging text from a sweet girl friend or through the rain (I <3 rain ... I really do).
I heard lyrics from a country song once that say, "she wants to love a stranger, but not the one at home." This song really has nothing to do with anything other than illustrating my point. My heart, I claim, belongs to Christ first; however, I have not been doing a very good job tending to this relationship. The relationship with the Lord is growing distant and cold, which is of no fault of my Lord. It is of my own fault that I have allowed this to happen. I have to fight my selfish desire to be lazy or do what I want to do (which currently means eating, sleeping, or completely vegging out in front of American Idol). If this were a relationship with a physical man of even a normal amount of patience ... I would be out of a relationship really fast! God has been merciful with me and is pulling me back into sweet fellowship with Him. This is not an easy road but definitely one worth taking. My prayer is to fall back into love/fellowship with the Stranger I call Lord, Savior, and Father.
The Mission Field
There is something about the unknown that allures my heart and deepens my desires. Working in another country with women from non-Christian, non-westernized backgrounds has been my desire since coming to know Christ in 2007. Almost instantly after coming to know the Lord, He made it very clear to me that this is what He wants me to do with the time He has alloted. Foreign missions is just that to me, foreign. Working with internationals all day Monday through Friday for the past 3 to 3 1/2 years has fed into the passion and desire I have to see them come to know the Lord. Yet, working with internationals in America is far different than that of working with them in their home countries. My heart belongs to a stranger I call Lord and to that of the mission field. I know and understand not what it takes to work day-in and day-out in another country loving and serving them and learning new ways to die to self (also learning I am not good at dying to self).
Since I love this and day dream of this and often look at jobs in which I can do this, I have put my education in rush mode. I have also increased the amount of debt I have by taking on more loans to pay for this rushed education. Along with the Lord telling me to do foreign missions, He also let me know He wants me to go overseas debt free. This came a year or two after coming to know Christ. When I was spending TAWG (Time Alone With God ... cheesy but it works, just saying) I came across a couple of passages that basically put me in pause mode for quite sometime (Proverbs 22:26-27 and Romans 13:8). After reading these I did not feel the least bit comfortable with going overseas with debt. The Lord has been kind enough to give me a job that allows me to "put my money where my mouth is" and labor daily with the students until He calls me abroad. My heart belongs to a stranger ... the mission field (this I day dream and wish for about as much as young girls dream and wish for husbands and weddings).
These are the two largest areas built up in my heart. There are others but time does not allow to write about them this evening. My goal or wish or whatever for 2012 is to travel as much as I can. Which, as I see it, is traveling outside the US at least twice. In March, I will be going to Rome, Italy and I am almost certain everyone and "they mama" in my life knows I am going. Excited much? Why heck yes I am! A few other goals include growing closer to the Lord (spending TAWG daily), graduating (currently looks like December), and learning how to use chopsticks (this is silly but true ... ask my friend Nakeli, she tried to teach me and it is harder than it looks).
The Lord
My heart belongs to the Lord, first and foremost, yet it is the relationship I seem to be working at the least. The Lord is sadly becoming a stranger to me because I am slowly but surely lusting after the world (material things I don't need, laziness, etc.). He has given me a heart to work with women from other countries and share the Gospel with them, but in order to be useful I need to be spending time with Him. I have allowed myself to be extremely bogged down with school and work. Rather than take things at a slow pace I am rushing through to finish faster in order to be on a foreign mission field (tell you more about that in the next little segment). I have put my wants and desires ahead of those of the Lover of my soul. The one who paid a price so high I could never repay, He is the one I have neglected. My heart belongs to a stranger named Christ. He holds my heart no matter how close to Him or how far away from Him I make myself. He continues to show love and grace and mercy everyday, even though I do not deserve a single serving. He also reminds me of His love and promises in His own unique way; whether it be waking up to a much needed encouraging text from a sweet girl friend or through the rain (I <3 rain ... I really do).
I heard lyrics from a country song once that say, "she wants to love a stranger, but not the one at home." This song really has nothing to do with anything other than illustrating my point. My heart, I claim, belongs to Christ first; however, I have not been doing a very good job tending to this relationship. The relationship with the Lord is growing distant and cold, which is of no fault of my Lord. It is of my own fault that I have allowed this to happen. I have to fight my selfish desire to be lazy or do what I want to do (which currently means eating, sleeping, or completely vegging out in front of American Idol). If this were a relationship with a physical man of even a normal amount of patience ... I would be out of a relationship really fast! God has been merciful with me and is pulling me back into sweet fellowship with Him. This is not an easy road but definitely one worth taking. My prayer is to fall back into love/fellowship with the Stranger I call Lord, Savior, and Father.
The Mission Field
There is something about the unknown that allures my heart and deepens my desires. Working in another country with women from non-Christian, non-westernized backgrounds has been my desire since coming to know Christ in 2007. Almost instantly after coming to know the Lord, He made it very clear to me that this is what He wants me to do with the time He has alloted. Foreign missions is just that to me, foreign. Working with internationals all day Monday through Friday for the past 3 to 3 1/2 years has fed into the passion and desire I have to see them come to know the Lord. Yet, working with internationals in America is far different than that of working with them in their home countries. My heart belongs to a stranger I call Lord and to that of the mission field. I know and understand not what it takes to work day-in and day-out in another country loving and serving them and learning new ways to die to self (also learning I am not good at dying to self).
Since I love this and day dream of this and often look at jobs in which I can do this, I have put my education in rush mode. I have also increased the amount of debt I have by taking on more loans to pay for this rushed education. Along with the Lord telling me to do foreign missions, He also let me know He wants me to go overseas debt free. This came a year or two after coming to know Christ. When I was spending TAWG (Time Alone With God ... cheesy but it works, just saying) I came across a couple of passages that basically put me in pause mode for quite sometime (Proverbs 22:26-27 and Romans 13:8). After reading these I did not feel the least bit comfortable with going overseas with debt. The Lord has been kind enough to give me a job that allows me to "put my money where my mouth is" and labor daily with the students until He calls me abroad. My heart belongs to a stranger ... the mission field (this I day dream and wish for about as much as young girls dream and wish for husbands and weddings).
These are the two largest areas built up in my heart. There are others but time does not allow to write about them this evening. My goal or wish or whatever for 2012 is to travel as much as I can. Which, as I see it, is traveling outside the US at least twice. In March, I will be going to Rome, Italy and I am almost certain everyone and "they mama" in my life knows I am going. Excited much? Why heck yes I am! A few other goals include growing closer to the Lord (spending TAWG daily), graduating (currently looks like December), and learning how to use chopsticks (this is silly but true ... ask my friend Nakeli, she tried to teach me and it is harder than it looks).
Friday, January 6, 2012
Forever an Open Wound
Things that make me mad... yes I am going to write about this because it angers me to see things like this happen.
Reading an article today about and Afghan woman being jailed for a "moral crime," the crime you ask? She was raped and became pregnant. She gave birth while in prison. Yes, this really happened. You may have already heard about this, as I am a little behind on things going on in the news these days. But if you haven't here is a link to the article (Click Here). She was pardoned and freed only after agreeing to marry the man who had committed such a heinous crime against her. My thought on this is "that has to be an awful marriage." Can you imagine the distrust and the amount of hatred that is running through the veins of this woman.
Think about if this was you... no seriously, think about it. Your life as you know it stops because you are raped. Then you go to jail because you are considered to be the immoral one here. Then you find out you are pregnant as a result of the whole ordeal. So not only did this happen to you but now you have to carry a baby from an unwanted act against you. You find out after having the baby that you are going to be released from prison on the condition that you marry the man who did this to you and whose baby you had. Now think, how would you feel? How would you feel living day in and day out in a house with this very man? How would you feel living with someone you are supposed to love when you can barely look at them without thinking terrible things about? Put yourself in her shoes long enough to realize that she deals with that pain everyday.
The government in her country sees this as her problem and not the mans. That is what makes me mad. It makes me mad that she is not able to be seen as a victim long enough for her to get help. It also makes me mad that she is probably not the first that this has happened to and she is most definitely not the last.
Having personal experience with this, let me tell you ... living in the same city with the person and being fearful of running into them in public (which happened ... recently - I'll get there in a few words). I never reported what happened to me to police or anyone really. I actually didn't even tell my family about it until last year. It is no longer an open wound, it is a scar. Open wounds hurt ... all the time. When they start scabbing over, what do you do? You peal the scab off. Why? No one knows, it is just a compulsion. You just do it, making your scab an open wound again. No matter what you do to try and cover it up, your open wound is still there. It still hurts and it still haunts you. Once the scab begins to become so much of your skin that you forget it is a scab you stop picking at it as much, but you look at it and still remember why it is there and how it happened and when and exactly what you were doing when it happened. Same way with scars. Scars don't hurt anymore, the memory may hurt for a little while and when you tell the story you may tear up, but you never relive that moment exactly how it happens. Time does heal, just as time heals a physical open wound/scab. This has become a scar. Yet every time I read a story or see a news report about this type of thing happening to women it breaks my heart. I feel for them in a way that some cannot. I do not like that I can relate in that way, yet those are the cards God has metaphorically laid out for me. I have since forgiven said man, but it is still a scar.
A couple of weeks ago a few of us went out to a local pizza place (very near to the 7 year rememiversary - as I call it... don't like calling it an anniversary because it is not something enjoyable to remember). While we were waiting for our table in walks the guy and his family. I started shaking and couldn't catch my breath. I told a girl that was with us, because I needed to tell someone. I just couldn't bear that one alone. He was standing maybe 10 feet away from us. I couldn't look at him. I knew he couldn't do anything to me and not that I thought that he would try. Right after he walked in, one of my guy friends walked in behind him and his family. My friend actually ended up standing where it blocked my view of the guy. My heart raced the entire time we were at dinner. His family was seated before our group, when we were seated I sat where my back was faced to their table and couldn't focus on that the entire time we were there. Even though I have forgiven him, the scar is still there. I still remember what happened, where I was, what I was thinking ... I remember.
This woman is forced to live with the man who attacked her. I cannot imagine the things this woman has gone through or what she is still going through this very day. No one can really understand her pain unless you are living through it. My momentary run in with him has nothing on her everyday life. She doesn't have a chance for this to become a scar, it is forever an open wound.
Really gives you something to think about, doesn't it.
Reading an article today about and Afghan woman being jailed for a "moral crime," the crime you ask? She was raped and became pregnant. She gave birth while in prison. Yes, this really happened. You may have already heard about this, as I am a little behind on things going on in the news these days. But if you haven't here is a link to the article (Click Here). She was pardoned and freed only after agreeing to marry the man who had committed such a heinous crime against her. My thought on this is "that has to be an awful marriage." Can you imagine the distrust and the amount of hatred that is running through the veins of this woman.
Think about if this was you... no seriously, think about it. Your life as you know it stops because you are raped. Then you go to jail because you are considered to be the immoral one here. Then you find out you are pregnant as a result of the whole ordeal. So not only did this happen to you but now you have to carry a baby from an unwanted act against you. You find out after having the baby that you are going to be released from prison on the condition that you marry the man who did this to you and whose baby you had. Now think, how would you feel? How would you feel living day in and day out in a house with this very man? How would you feel living with someone you are supposed to love when you can barely look at them without thinking terrible things about? Put yourself in her shoes long enough to realize that she deals with that pain everyday.
The government in her country sees this as her problem and not the mans. That is what makes me mad. It makes me mad that she is not able to be seen as a victim long enough for her to get help. It also makes me mad that she is probably not the first that this has happened to and she is most definitely not the last.
Having personal experience with this, let me tell you ... living in the same city with the person and being fearful of running into them in public (which happened ... recently - I'll get there in a few words). I never reported what happened to me to police or anyone really. I actually didn't even tell my family about it until last year. It is no longer an open wound, it is a scar. Open wounds hurt ... all the time. When they start scabbing over, what do you do? You peal the scab off. Why? No one knows, it is just a compulsion. You just do it, making your scab an open wound again. No matter what you do to try and cover it up, your open wound is still there. It still hurts and it still haunts you. Once the scab begins to become so much of your skin that you forget it is a scab you stop picking at it as much, but you look at it and still remember why it is there and how it happened and when and exactly what you were doing when it happened. Same way with scars. Scars don't hurt anymore, the memory may hurt for a little while and when you tell the story you may tear up, but you never relive that moment exactly how it happens. Time does heal, just as time heals a physical open wound/scab. This has become a scar. Yet every time I read a story or see a news report about this type of thing happening to women it breaks my heart. I feel for them in a way that some cannot. I do not like that I can relate in that way, yet those are the cards God has metaphorically laid out for me. I have since forgiven said man, but it is still a scar.
A couple of weeks ago a few of us went out to a local pizza place (very near to the 7 year rememiversary - as I call it... don't like calling it an anniversary because it is not something enjoyable to remember). While we were waiting for our table in walks the guy and his family. I started shaking and couldn't catch my breath. I told a girl that was with us, because I needed to tell someone. I just couldn't bear that one alone. He was standing maybe 10 feet away from us. I couldn't look at him. I knew he couldn't do anything to me and not that I thought that he would try. Right after he walked in, one of my guy friends walked in behind him and his family. My friend actually ended up standing where it blocked my view of the guy. My heart raced the entire time we were at dinner. His family was seated before our group, when we were seated I sat where my back was faced to their table and couldn't focus on that the entire time we were there. Even though I have forgiven him, the scar is still there. I still remember what happened, where I was, what I was thinking ... I remember.
This woman is forced to live with the man who attacked her. I cannot imagine the things this woman has gone through or what she is still going through this very day. No one can really understand her pain unless you are living through it. My momentary run in with him has nothing on her everyday life. She doesn't have a chance for this to become a scar, it is forever an open wound.
Really gives you something to think about, doesn't it.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Analyzing Fantasizing
Everyone fantasizes. Everyone has a fantasy or fantasies. There are so many things we desire as people. I watched The Life of David Gale today. It has been years since I have watched this movie and I never noticed some of the things said in the movie, I just sat and mindlessly watched. I am not saying that it holds the keys to life or anything like that, but anything you watch you can most likely find something that points you to the Gospel. Just saying, try it. Anyway, one of my favorite quotes from this movie is, “Fantasies have to be unrealistic. Because the minute- the second – that you get what you want, you don’t- you can’t- want it anymore.” Uhhh, wow! That is an amazing way to describe sin.
When you think about a particular act of sin it sounds like a great idea. You think about it and let it soak in and you debate on it and it just rolls around in your head for a while. But the minute- the second- that you act on it, it wasn’t enough. There is something more. Something more to be wanted or something more to be gained, so you think on that act for a while and you debate on it and so on. It is like a drug. Once you start you are hooked and just can’t stop. Let’s use alcohol as an example. Say you hang out with someone on a regular basis who drinks quite a bit, maybe even gets drunk. You are of age and decide to start drinking with them. (Drinking is not the sin here, the act of getting drunk is). So you think about maybe drinking a little more than usual because your friend seems to have a good time and you want to be part of all that. So you weigh the options and try it once. Once you have done it you may want to do it again, even if you didn’t necessarily like it the first time. So you do it again, and again, and … you get the point. This becomes habitual. You couldn’t stop, you just wanted more because the initial act wasn’t enough when you started.
How about something that seems a little less harmless at the beginning, making money. Everyone likes to have money. You start working somewhere and work hard enough and begin climbing the ladder. You are married and have kids but you are still working just as hard as you were before and making even more money. You are never home and your kids barely know you. The only thing they know about you is mommy/daddy loves their job. The only reason you wanted to work so hard in the first place was to be able to give them a nice house and a nice life, but you forgot that your kids need both parents. Your kids begin to despise you because you are never home and they only see you as an ATM. Your spouse also has a hard time loving you because your lifestyle choices say you care more about your job than your spouse. You have lots of money and a nice house that you are never in, your “dream” or “fantasy” have become a reality you never thought possible. All of it ends miserably.
Sin starts small. Some times we see it coming and other times we are completely blind-sided. Once we get that small little taste of it, we want more. We can’t help it. We were made to crave something and when we do not feel satisfied with what we are trying to fill ourselves with, we try to get more and more and MORE. God created us to desire Him. He created us to crave the love of something so much bigger than ourselves, Him. We see it even in the Garden of Eden in Genesis. God created us in His own image. All through scripture we see that God desires our fellowship and that He loves us far beyond our own comprehension. He desires that we are filled with Him. As I read through the Old Testament and I read the laws of the time, I see God’s heart and how He desires us to be holy as He is holy. He created us to be like Him and wants us to seek Him and be like Him. Even in today’s world we see little boys wanting to be like their daddy. Picture this, a grown man walking in the snow. His little boy is following behind him and trying to put his feet in his daddy’s footprints. The footprints are spread much further apart and are much larger than the little boys own footprints. It is precious to see this little boy trying to be like his daddy. Although he cannot keep pace like his daddy or even walk in as big of strides like his daddy, he tries anyway. God desires that very thing from us. He wants us to try. We are people and we are going to have thoughts about sin. He wants us to look to Him in those times and to choose Him. He did not create us to have a robotic reaction to things. He gave us a brain and He gave us the act of free will to do choose how we react to things. When those thoughts start rolling around in your head, how do you choose to react?
PS This is not the content of the movie, so don’t run out and buy it thinking it is going to make you holier or make your rethink everything you thought you knew about in life (it is rated R for language, sexual content, and nudity … hope you know where I am going with this, it had two good quotes lol). Here is a Christian Movie review if you are interested to know more: http://www.pluggedin.com/videos/2003/q1/lifeofdavidgale.aspx.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
What's Done is Done
A few posts ago I talked about what I was learning in the book of Numbers. Well, I am still in the book of Numbers. It is one of those books that take a while to get through. Although it takes a while there is so much to be learned from Moses, Aaron, Miriam, the Israelites and all the other history in there. Today I read a huge chunk (chapters 11-17). There is so much in there it is hard to pick just one little area to tell you about, but I will try J.
Reading through the book of Numbers there is a common theme to be displayed, whining and complaining. The Israelites always found something to whine and complain about. In chapter 11 they complain about not having meat and only eating manna. The LORD said, “You shall not eat just one day, or two days, or five days, or ten days, or twenty days, but a whole month, until it comes out at your nostrils and becomes loathsome to you, because you have rejected the LORD who is among you and have wept before Him, saying, ‘Why did we come out of Egypt?’” (Numbers 11:19-20). Then in chapter 13 the LORD tells Moses and Aaron to send out spies into the land of Canaan. They send out the spies and come back with conflicting reports. By chapter 14 the people are rebelling and trying to fix problems their own way, which ends in the deaths of many. Then in chapter 16 you are introduced to Korah, Dathan, and Abiram who start a rebellion and have 250 followers. This rebellion ends with Korah, Dathan, and Abiram’s families and possessions being swallowed whole by God opening up the ground. Those who followed in the rebellion were plagued and died. Yet, every single time the Israelites began to rebel or whine or complain, Moses interceded for them in prayer. When he spoke with the LORD about all of these he begged God to spare their lives. Why? Why would he want the lives spared of such men?
I honestly believe because of Moses’ relationship with God he understood the meaning of being separated eternally from God. He valued his relationship with God so much and knew God’s character well enough that when he would labor for them in prayer and when he would have those conversations with God, he knew if the people were not spared they might not end up on the good side of eternity. He loved God deeply and passionately. Moses’ love for God was evident in his dealings with the Israelites. He had such an intimate relationship with God and wanted others to have the same. He did not want to see his people perish. Moses was the meekest man on the face of the Earth (Numbers 12:3) and yet he spoke to God about some of the most difficult subjects. He had a health fear of God but was also the only one speaking to God face-to-face as friends or brothers would. Moses loved God more than anything else. He had such a deep understanding of being separated from God that no one else at that time seemed to understand.
Moses understood that this was worth fighting for, he was constantly fighting for the wrath of God to be held back from the Israelites. He labored in prayer for their salvation. He begged God. At one point he told God he could no longer bear the burden alone that the people had placed upon him. God brought 70 men into his life and “took some of the spirit that had been placed on him and shared it with the 70 elders,” (Numbers 11:25). He did not make Moses carry the burden alone (this particular verse is in reference to the whining/complaining the Israelites were doing over not having meat), God shared Moses’ burdens with the elders. God loved (loves) Moses and when Moses requested things from God He responded. God knew Moses’ heart in these situations and Moses knew that God did not want the Israelites to perish.
God did not force the Israelites to obey Him, just as He does not force us to obey Him now. He does not want us to be robots, He gave us free will and emotions and a brain for a reason. He wants us to use them for His glory. When we do not seek out His glory and do His will, there are consequences. He knows what it means to be separated from Him, He is all knowing and completely 100% knows what Hell is like and what separation from Him is like. We do not have a very good grasp on this. Everything to us currently, here on this earth, is temporary. We do not fully grasp the gravity of eternity. An eternity with God is fan-friggin-tastic. An eternity without God is far beyond what words can describe. Not just that, but I cannot describe it because I have not experienced it, and thank the LORD that I will not have to experience that.
Think about all the people you know that do not know Christ. Think about the eternal suffering they will have without Christ. Things on this earth may be fun and temporary, but once they die there is no such thing as temporary. Their fate will be sealed with the kiss of death. When they die there is no more sharing the gospel with them, no more praying that they might come to know Christ, there is no more… what’s done is done. Sharing the gospel with family and friends may be difficult (extremely difficult) and they may not understand that by you sharing with them is you saying you love them. They do not understand what it means to be without Christ for eternity, heck you and I do not understand that fully either. This I do know, scripture says there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. It also says that they will thirst and have nothing to quench their thirst, they will beg for a drop of water and yet we will not be able to give them the tiniest bit of relief. Their fate has been sealed once they leave this earth. Labor in prayer for your loved ones and share your faith with them.
Paul wrote in Philemon 6, “and I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective for the full knowledge of every good thing that is in us for the sake of Christ.” The “book” of Philemon, the whole one page of it, is a letter from Paul to Philemon in regards to Onesimus. Onesimus was a slave who had stolen from Philemon. Onesimus came to know the LORD and Paul was sending him back to Philemon, he offered to pay Philemon back for anything/everything Onesimus took from him. The letter was his plea for Philemon to accept Onesimus back. Verse 6 sticks out as such an encouragement from the whole book. “I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective…” Paul understood just like Moses understood. Paul had his set of misfortunes and his run ins with people who whined and complained. Paul continued praying and laboring no matter what. Both Moses and Paul dearly loved the LORD with all their heart, mind, and soul. From the point of their conversion until their death, they lived to please the LORD. Yes, they were human and they still sinned but they lived in a manner that was pleasing to God. They got it, they understood that being separated from God for eternity was the worst possible thing anyone could ever imagine. They did anything and everything they could to push everyone they could toward Christ. These men were great men of the faith, as were many other men in history. I pray for you, whoever you are, that the sharing of your faith may become effective for the full knowledge of every good thing that is in us for the sake of Christ. Moses labored in prayer and in deed for the souls of men to be won for Christ. He did not do it for self-gain, He did it for Christ’s gain. He did it because he loved them and loved the LORD. Paul labored in prayer and in deed for the souls of men to be won for Christ. Paul too did not do this for self-gain, but for the gain of Christ. Paul too did this because He loved them and loved the LORD.
Bless others with Christ’s love. Christ loved the world so much that He came and died for the world. Share that love with those that you love …
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)