Forever an Open Wound

Things that make me mad... yes I am going to write about this because it angers me to see things like this happen.

Reading an article today about and Afghan woman being jailed for a "moral crime," the crime you ask? She was raped and became pregnant. She gave birth while in prison. Yes, this really happened. You may have already heard about this, as I am a little behind on things going on in the news these days. But if you haven't here is a link to the article (Click Here). She was pardoned and freed only after agreeing to marry the man who had committed such a heinous crime against her. My thought on this is "that has to be an awful marriage." Can you imagine the distrust and the amount of hatred that is running through the veins of this woman.

Think about if this was you... no seriously, think about it. Your life as you know it stops because you are raped. Then you go to jail because you are considered to be the immoral one here. Then you find out you are pregnant as a result of the whole ordeal. So not only did this happen to you but now you have to carry a baby from an unwanted act against you. You find out after having the baby that you are going to be released from prison on the condition that you marry the man who did this to you and whose baby you had. Now think, how would you feel? How would you feel living day in and day out in a house with this very man? How would you feel living with someone you are supposed to love when you can barely look at them without thinking terrible things about? Put yourself in her shoes long enough to realize that she deals with that pain everyday.

The government in her country sees this as her problem and not the mans. That is what makes me mad. It makes me mad that she is not able to be seen as a victim long enough for her to get help. It also makes me mad that she is probably not the first that this has happened to and she is most definitely not the last.

 Having personal experience with this, let me tell you ... living in the same city with the person and being fearful of running into them in public (which happened ... recently - I'll get there in a few words). I never reported what happened to me to police or anyone really. I actually didn't even tell my family about it until last year. It is no longer an open wound, it is a scar. Open wounds hurt ... all the time. When they start scabbing over, what do you do? You peal the scab off. Why? No one knows, it is just a compulsion. You just do it, making your scab an open wound again. No matter what you do to try and cover it up, your open wound is still there. It still hurts and it still haunts you. Once the scab begins to become so much of your skin that you forget it is a scab you stop picking at it as much, but you look at it and still remember why it is there and how it happened and when and exactly what you were doing when it happened. Same way with scars. Scars don't hurt anymore, the memory may hurt for a little while and when you tell the story you may tear up, but you never relive that moment exactly how it happens. Time does heal, just as time heals a physical open wound/scab. This has become a scar. Yet every time I read a story or see a news report about this type of thing happening to women it breaks my heart. I feel for them in a way that some cannot. I do not like that I can relate in that way, yet those are the cards God has metaphorically laid out for me. I have since forgiven said man, but it is still a scar.

A couple of weeks ago a few of us went out to a local pizza place (very near to the 7 year rememiversary - as I call it... don't like calling it an anniversary because it is not something enjoyable to remember). While we were waiting for our table in walks the guy and his family. I started shaking and couldn't catch my breath. I told a girl that was with us, because I needed to tell someone. I just couldn't bear that one alone. He was standing maybe 10 feet away from us. I couldn't look at him. I knew he couldn't do anything to me and not that I thought that he would try. Right after he walked in, one of my guy friends walked in behind him and his family. My friend actually ended up standing where it blocked my view of the guy. My heart raced the entire time we were at dinner. His family was seated before our group, when we were seated I sat where my back was faced to their table and couldn't focus on that the entire time we were there. Even though I have forgiven him, the scar is still there. I still remember what happened, where I was, what I was thinking ... I remember.

This woman is forced to live with the man who attacked her. I cannot imagine the things this woman has gone through or what she is still going through this very day. No one can really understand her pain unless you are living through it. My momentary run in with him has nothing on her everyday life. She doesn't have a chance for this to become a scar, it is forever an open wound.

Really gives you something to think about, doesn't it.

Rope Burns - Letting Go of Things in Our Lives

This weekend I was able to enjoy a trip to the lake with a wonderful family and a couple of friends. While we were there we had the chance to swim, wake board, water ski, tube, cliff jump into the water below us, and many other things. However, it was not until we returned that God showed me some amazing truths and parallels to His way of working in us and the very things we were able to do.
Being the control freak that I am I grab on to situations and things in my life rather than let them go and allow God to work. He has shown me it causes me far more pain to hold on then to let go. One of the things I enjoyed doing this weekend was wake boarding. I only tried it a couple of times and failed miserably. Yet, I loved it! When trying to wake board you are supposed to hold on to a bar connected to a rope that is connected to the boat while you are floating in the water with a board attached to your feet. The driver of the boat will then take off at a significant speed to get you standing vertical in the water, similar to surfing only you are attached to a boat. Well, during one of my few attempts the boat started to go and I was pulled under the water. If I would not have let go I could have drowned myself. Yet, I realized being under the water was not a goal and my body screamed, “LET GO!” So I let go. I did not want to drown or get rope burn from the rope attached to the bar. Often times in life I try to control my situations and try to hang on to a particular area of those situations until I get rope burn from holding on so tightly as God tries to show me that it is just going to drag me under. My stubbornness turns into scrapes, bruises, cuts, burns, and eventually scars. Just like a parent God cannot make those burns and such go away. Our parents try and treat the wound and keep it from scaring as badly. We will always have a memory of whatever happened that caused that scar. God is not going to just take all of it away, what would we ever learn if He just took it away? We would continually do the same thing over and over again because we did not ever learn the lesson He intended for us to learn. Just like in science, “for every action there is an equal reaction.” It is the same in life. For every action we take or thought we think there is an equal reaction. God is a graceful and forgiving God. He is also a just, righteous, and holy God. In Habakkuk 1:13 we are shown that God cannot look upon evil “Your eyes are too pure to approve evil, and You cannot look on wickedness with favor.” Since God cannot look upon evil with favor and realizing that sin is evil and realizing that being controlling is a sin we realize that being controlling also is evil. God cannot look upon my evil with favor. Any sin that we commit is evil. He cannot look on any of our sins with favor. Thus we have to repent. Once we repent we are still going to have to deal with the affect of the committed sin. Just because we repent does not mean it will go away. Just like when we get a rope burn or other injuries. Once you treat it with Neosporin or a band aid, does not mean it is immediately going to go away and leave no scaring.
We are left to deal with our junk even after going to God. He is the one who walks us through and shows us how to avoid situations like the one we were involved in that caused the need for repentance. God does not want us to suffer, just like our parents do not want us to suffer or go through things that are difficult. God wants us to have faith in Him and trust that whatever it is that we are clinging to that it is far better if we let it go. We are basically saying that we are afraid to let the God of the universe take care of our problems and would rather try and fix it our self. God is just waiting for us to ask Him for His help. He is not a controlling father who is going to jump in and completely take over what we are doing. We have to ask Him for help. And when we ask Him for help we have to completely let go of the situation and give it to Him. We cannot be trying to touch or control any part of it. Once we ask for God to be in control, we need to get out of the drivers seat and sit in the back. We are along for the ride. Matthew 7:7-11 tells us if we ask it will be given to us. It also tells us about a good father providing the needs of his children, “how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!” James 4:1-8 tells us that we cause arguments and we fights because we do not have things, yet we do not ask God for these things. We are missing what God wants us to do. He does not want us to try and cling to things, He wants to be a loving Father. We just have to ask Him for the things we want. We have to be willing to let them go for a while and wait on His timing.
God is perfect. He has perfect timing. Even when it is hardest for us to see why He has us in the season we are in, we have to trust that He is doing something. We should continue seeking Him and spending time in His word and being around His people and sharing with those who do not know Him. We are only to give up the things we are clinging to and lay them in His possession to take care of the matter for us. He is the ultimate mechanic who can and will fix the things we give Him. He will give us guidance. He is the greatest Father anyone could ever ask for. He will pull us into His arms and let us sit in His lap as we whimper from the wound. He will comfort us and hold us as we heal, as He heals us. Healing is a process and therefore takes time. He is with us for all of that time.