My Heart Belongs to a Stranger

It has been over a month since I have written anything not work or school related and it is hard to know where to start. My mind has been in overdrive the past couple of weeks and has caused me to be extremely exhausted about 85% of the time. Not fun, let me tell you! However, God has laid some things on my heart and putting pen to paper is a bit slower than typing. Currently my brain cannot handle slow; like I said it is in overdrive. The Lord has reminded me today that although I have not been spending as much time alone with Him as I would like, my heart still belongs to Him.

The Lord
My heart belongs to the Lord, first and foremost, yet it is the relationship I seem to be working at the least. The Lord is sadly becoming a stranger to me because I am slowly but surely lusting after the world (material things I don't need, laziness, etc.). He has given me a heart to work with women from other countries and share the Gospel with them, but in order to be useful I need to be spending time with Him. I have allowed myself to be extremely bogged down with school and work. Rather than take things at a slow pace I am rushing through to finish faster in order to be on a foreign mission field (tell you more about that in the next little segment). I have put my wants and desires ahead of those of the Lover of my soul. The one who paid a price so high I could never repay, He is the one I have neglected. My heart belongs to a stranger named Christ. He holds my heart no matter how close to Him or how far away from Him I make myself. He continues to show love and grace and mercy everyday, even though I do not deserve a single serving. He also reminds me of His love and promises in His own unique way; whether it be waking up to a much needed encouraging text from a sweet girl friend or through the rain (I <3 rain ... I really do).

I heard lyrics from a country song once that say, "she wants to love a stranger, but not the one at home." This song really has nothing to do with anything other than illustrating my point. My heart, I claim, belongs to Christ first; however, I have not been doing a very good job tending to this relationship. The relationship with the Lord is growing distant and cold, which is of no fault of my Lord. It is of my own fault that I have allowed this to happen. I have to fight my selfish desire to be lazy or do what I want to do (which currently means eating, sleeping, or completely vegging out in front of American Idol). If this were a relationship with a physical man of even a normal amount of patience ... I would be out of a relationship really fast! God has been merciful with me and is pulling me back into sweet fellowship with Him. This is not an easy road but definitely one worth taking. My prayer is to fall back into love/fellowship with the Stranger I call Lord, Savior, and Father.


The Mission Field
There is something about the unknown that allures my heart and deepens my desires. Working in another country with women from non-Christian, non-westernized backgrounds has been my desire since coming to know Christ in 2007. Almost instantly after coming to know the Lord, He made it very clear to me that this is what He wants me to do with the time He has alloted. Foreign missions is just that to me, foreign. Working with internationals all day Monday through Friday for the past 3 to 3 1/2 years has fed into the passion and desire I have to see them come to know the Lord. Yet, working with internationals in America is far different than that of working with them in their home countries. My heart belongs to a stranger I call Lord and to that of the mission field. I know and understand not what it takes to work day-in and day-out in another country loving and serving them and learning new ways to die to self (also learning I am not good at dying to self).

Since I love this and day dream of this and often look at jobs in which I can do this, I have put my education in rush mode. I have also increased the amount of debt I have by taking on more loans to pay for this rushed education.  Along with the Lord telling me to do foreign missions, He also let me know He wants me to go overseas debt free. This came a year or two after coming to know Christ. When I was spending TAWG (Time Alone With God ... cheesy but it works, just saying) I came across a couple of passages that basically put me in pause mode for quite sometime (Proverbs 22:26-27 and Romans 13:8). After reading these I did not feel the least bit comfortable with going overseas with debt. The Lord has been kind enough to give me a job that allows me to "put my money where my mouth is" and labor daily with the students until He calls me abroad. My heart belongs to a stranger ... the mission field (this I day dream and wish for about as much as young girls dream and wish for husbands and weddings).


These are the two largest areas built up in my heart. There are others but time does not allow to write about them this evening. My goal or wish or whatever for 2012 is to travel as much as I can. Which, as I see it, is traveling outside the US at least twice. In March, I will be going to Rome, Italy and I am almost certain everyone and "they mama" in my life knows I am going. Excited much? Why heck yes I am! A few other goals include growing closer to the Lord (spending TAWG daily), graduating (currently looks like December), and learning how to use chopsticks (this is silly but true ... ask my friend Nakeli, she tried to teach me and it is harder than it looks).

A Life Worth Dying For

For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. -- Philippians 1: 21
If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. --John 15:18
...and you will be hated by all for my name’s sake. But the one who endures to the end will be saved. -- Matthew 10:22

Last night I went to see a movie with some friends and some people we have been trying to minister to. The movie is about this guy who is willing to die for the honor of his country and his family. He wanted to restore his family's name and bring honor to his country. It made me start thinking about what is truly worth dying for. I have, as you too probably, heard the phrase "I would die for" or "I would kill for" this or that. Most of those people are just expressing how much they would love to have something. But that phrase, if we really disect it makes for a dangerous thing to say. We will use body image for this little example. There are girls who will say "I would kill to have her body" or "I would die to be a size 2, like (insert name of the size 2 girl you know here)". There are really girls who nearly kill themselves trying to become a size 2. Then when they hit a size 2, they are not small enough and they want to try for a 0 or a 00. Then they have to fight to stay that tiny. Here is another example for us as girls. As women we desire to be beautiful and have things that make us look and feel more beautiful. But sometimes that causes us to start trying to keep up with the Jones' and we end up in more trouble than we realize. Hearing girls say they would die or kill for a designer bag that is $800 is a little sad. Watching girls go into debt because they want to have the latest trend or the hottest fashion to feel better about themselves. They do not kill others nor do they nearly kill themselves physically. They are probably killing their credit, though.

Are those things really worth all the trouble? Is it really worth all the physical pain and the emotional stress? Honestly, according to scripture, no it is not worth it. Christ calls us to be satisfied in Him. He wants us to make His name known. According to scripture, making His name known is worth dying for. Christ has commanded us to know Him, make Him known, make disciples of all the nations, baptize them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, and teach them. He wants us to work for Him and not the things of this world. Showy cars and hand bags and being able to fit into a size 0 are not worth the time. One thing God has been teaching me lately is I would much rather be hated here on this earth for trying to make His name known than die and get to heaven and have the blood of others on my hands. God has put people in our lives for a reason. Things are not by chance, not fate, not luck, not anything other than the divine appointment from an Almighty God. Our purpose in this world is not to be the coolest thing to ever touch the face of the planet. We are called to be aliens. Weird huh?! Scripture says that those who follow Christ will be treated as Christ was. Guess what, Christ was hated. He was not only hated but He was beaten and brutally murdered. This is not to say that everyone who is walking with God will be brutally murdered. But we will be looked down upon, especially if we are living radically for the gospel to be proclaimed among the nations.

In David Platt's book Radical he asks several convicting questions. "Are we willing to obey the orders of Christ? Are we wiling to be like Him? Are we willing to risk our lives to go to great need and to great danger -- whether it's in the inner cities around us, the difficult neighbor across the street, the disease-ridden communities in Africa, or the hostile regions in the Middle East? Are we willing to fundamentally alter our understanding of Christianity from a luxurious lifestyle to the life style of soldiers that forsake comforts in the world to accomplish an eternally significant task and achieve an eternally satisfying reward?" Is your current lifestyle justifiable before Almighty God? Are you willing to be considered a stranger to your family for the name of Christ? A "freak" in your workplace? Or even a variety of other names to the lost world around you?

Christ came and lived 33 years on this earth to provide you and me an opportunity for salvation. For that very purpose He shed His blood. He died to save you. Are you willing to give back to Him for what He gave you?

Heaven's Free Pass and Mixed Up Theology

Many professing Christians have come to the conclusion that if certain people around the world don't have the opportunity to hear about Jesus, then this automatically excuses them from God's condemnation. Such people will go to heaven because, after all, they never had the opportunity to hear about Jesus.
- Radical by David Platt

Before you start jumping to conclusions like I did, please keep on reading. Reading through this book has made me rethink some things. One of which is mentioned in the quote above. Most of us as professing Christians live our lives as if those who never hear about Christ get a free pass to heaven. Ok, so you may be thinking I am crazy for saying that, but think about how you live your life. Living as a professing Christian is not just piece of our lives, it IS our lives. We are to "cease the day" so to speak. Christ has called us to know Him and make Him known. So the two key elements to following Him involve Him. If you have a job, attend a school, go to the grocery store, rent movies, go to the library, go out to eat, or anything else you are going to realize you are around people. Not just that, most of your life is spent around other people. God has given you the job you have. He has given you the health you have to go to the grocery store. He has given you the money you have to go out and eat. He has given you everything you have. When you go to work, you are around people. Do you know if the people you work with know Christ? Say you know that some of them do know Christ, what about the others? Are you using the job you have to bring glory to God? Are you using it to make Him known to others? These questions can be applied to anything and anywhere you go.

God has given me a unique opportunity to work around a few godly students (and non-students). He has also given me a unique opportunity to work around over 1,000 students from over 70 countries. Do you want to know how many of those students know Christ as their personal savior? My best guess is less than 5% percent of them. Want to know how many of them have heard Christ's name in an evangelical conversation? Probably close to 150 of them. Yes, about 10% or a little higher students have heard the gospel because of the different ministries and other professing Christians on the campus. This is very exciting. But it makes me very sad for the other 950+ students, and counting. Going back to the quote above. If we were to just go about our lives, as we often do, and ignore the other people around us we are not really making use of the space or the "sphere of influence" God has given us. We pretty much tend to live as if people who never hear about Christ get a free pass to heaven. What kind of mixed up theology is that?! We are watching people send themselves to hell because we do not realize how urgent the matter really is. If we truly understood the urgency of salvation we would not just let those we encounter escape our sight without sharing the gospel with them, or however much of the gospel they allow us to share.

Imagine encountering an international student newly arrived on a college campus in the U.S. You ask her if she has ever hear of Jesus, and with a puzzled look on her face, she responds, "No." Now, if this girl is headed to heaven precisely because she has never heard about Jesus, then the best thing you could say to her for the sake of her eternity is, "If anyone tries to tell you about Jesus, just put your hands on your ears, start yelling very loudly, and run away." Obviously this particular methodology is not prescribed in Scripture.

As funny as this is, we kind of live like this. I hate to admit it, but I am going to, I sadly do this almost everyday. Students will come into the office and opportunity may arise for me to discuss this matter with them and I willingly let it slide by. So why exactly am I writing this? To repent and start something new! I also want to encourage anyone who reads this to pour out everything Christ has poured into them onto others. The way God gave me the job I currently have is a constant reminder that I am to be spreading His name and not trying to make mine great.

My deepest desire for my life is to be able to move to a different country (or countries) to share Christ with lost. Yet, if there is a plethora of lost here (domestic and foreign) I want to share with them until God gives me the green light to move. My desire for those following Christ around me is to see them sharing the gospel with others around them. We all have a pool of people that need to know Christ. Are we willing to step out there and share with them? Are we going to continue living as if those who never hear the gospel in the remotest parts of the jungles in Indonesia are going to get a free pass because they have never heard of our Savior? I beg you to seek God and ask Him to show you who does not know Christ around you. God has allowed you to be around the people you are not so you can tip-toe around the gospel but so that He can use you to be bold for His name's sake. Here is the beautiful thing about all of this is you do not have to have a catch phrase or even write a book. You do not even have to know the whole Bible from cover to cover. You just have to trust God and know that He will use you if you are asking Him to. Here is an example. There are two things I really enjoy doing cooking and dancing. God has allowed me to use both of those things to be around women who do not know Christ. He allows me to be around women who either want to learn how to do those things or who enjoy doing them too. God has given you particular interests and talents for a reason. He wants you to use them for His glory and honor and to further His kingdom. So, are you using what He has given you to further His kingdom or are you using it to further yours? Do not let another person come in and out of your life without sharing what Christ has done for, not only you, but for them as well. Do not get stuck in the mindset that they are going to get a free pass if they have never heard of Him. Step up and step out to share the Gospel.

How Great is Our God?

There is nothing like knowing how big our Father is. Last night as I was coming back from running a few errands I noticed a quarter of the moon and a single star above it. Tonight when I was coming back from a friends’ apartment I again noticed the moon and a single star to the right of it. As I was driving I was thinking about how amazing God really is, it made me giddy and excited. Knowing that He has placed every star in its place and given every star a name. So if He can do something so miraculous as make a star. Not just the “twinkle twinkle” kind but the big blazing unimaginable group of stars that perfectly form a constellation. Our God is so much bigger than we chose to see. We so rarely chose to see that God created the very things before our eyes. He has created the simple things we see everyday like flowers and grass and trees and clouds. We take advantage of the fact that He has given each and everyone of those things a purpose. He has created the sea life in the depths of the seas that we still have no idea exists. Everything has been created for a purpose whether we acknowledge or even have knowledge of what that purpose is. So the great thing is that we can gather from the above blurb is that He must have a purpose for each and everyone of us. We may have no idea what He plans on using us for, but we know that if we are His He has a plan. “He has planned and who can frustrate it” (not quite sure of the reference on this one but you can google it and find it. –Jeremiah 29:11 is good too).
So if He has a plan for us and we are not sure what that is, what are we to do? This is something that I ask myself quite often. I am not sure where He wants me so I stay put doing the same thing until I am led by Him to do something further. Jeremiah 29:13 says “You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.” So I began to seek Him in different areas of my life. Everyone of them included leaving where I am now. I sought Him on culinary school, missions in one country, then in another, then for extended missions, and so on and so forth. Everytime a door was shut. But then I had to realize that His plans are not my plans and His thoughts are not my thoughts. In knowing we have a plan from the Almighty God of heaven and of earth our purpose in life has been set out for us in scripture as a guideline until He gives us further instruction. The instruction He has placed in His word should be the framework for what we think His leading is for our lives. If what we think is a leading from God is not scripturally accurate then we can discredit the leading. It is black and white, there are no blurred lines here. So in His intricately planned lives for each of us we should stop a bit more and not only smell the roses but thank God for the simple fact that He created them. We should thank Him for the very things we take for granted each day: sun light, moon light, stars, grass, flowers, His word, and the list goes on and on for days (oh and you can thank Him for each day He has given you because you never know how many more you will have).
Our passion for Him should not be hidden because we fear what others might think but we should openly confess Him and show others our belief in Him. This is not to show them that we are superior in any way, but so that they might know Him as well. Isaiah 59:1 says “The Lord’s hand is not so short that it cannot save and His ear not so dull that it cannot hear.” He can save anyone, anywhere, any way. He is God. He has allowed us the opportunity to confess or deny Him. He has made us in such a way that we are completely and totally different from every other living thing in this world. Remember the stars and the way they are placed. Remember He has placed you in a specific place at a specific time for a specific reason. Why should you not be thankful to Him for all He has done? How dare we live our lives as selfishly as we do! We should be on our knees every chance we get thanking Him and praising Him and laying glory down at His feet in worship as if it were the most expensive thing to be obtained. The Israelites, throughout the entire Old Testament , would live a rollercoaster lifestyle. They would be mindful of God and worship Him and then they would forget who their God was and make idols out of the blessings God would give them. We are so much like the Old Testament Israelites and have no idea at all. The God of the universe has created all things great and small. Are you going to chose to recognize those things and give Him thankful praises to glorify His name higher than the heavens?

A Little Bit About the Blogger

Well hello friends old and new!

The purpose of this blog is to share with others the things that God has laid on my heart. That is where the name of the blog comes from "The Heart of This Woman." God has given me a passion for the nations and to see those from other countries come to know Him. He has provided me with a job at a school where I am in contact with people from over 65 countries and counting. He has blessed me tremendously and hope that the things He has laid on my heart will bless you as well. The Lord has also given me a passion for cooking, more specifically baking. I love to cook! I am baking Bailey to most of my friends and jump at the chance to help anyone cook for any occasion. I have sought the Lord on going to culinary school and that door was closed. However, I have learned far more from that experience than I ever would have imagined. There are many things I have sought Him about lately regarding leaving my current location to go on to do other things and all of those doors have been closed. Thankfully I am aware that He has planned something very specific for me. He has taught me how to seek Him through prayer and how to be in His word looking for what He wants me to do in life, other things you will see in this blog :).

I hope you enjoy this and are able to get something from it. I encourage you to comment, ask me questions, or even give me ideas of things to post about. I will try to post something at least once a week if not more. (Still getting used to the idea of blogging).

Have a great day and enjoy!!