The Action in Waiting

Lately my heart has had this gnawing feeling. It is a feeling that I cannot shake, nor do I want to. It is that constant desire to leave everything that I know and everything that is comfortable and go to a new place. A place where nothing is familiar except the scenes from pictures I have looked at and movies I have watched. It is a feeling that I want to go to a place where everyone and everything is new. My heart beats a little faster and my mind wanders at the simple mention of a new place. What would it be like there? Who would I meet? What new things would I try? What are the names of the streets I might walk upon?

Home is not my home. When I leave town I always feel like I am going home. When I am coming back I feel like I am a stranger in a sea of familiar faces. I am more comfortable in a crowd of strangers than in a group of the familiars I have known for so long.

Then, as if God is audibly speaking to me I hear, "Not now my child. That time shall come. Be patient. Look where I have you. Be here. Live here. Love here. Wait for me. Do not get ahead of yourself." It is the words of a dear friend I continue to hear ringing in my mind: "God has not forgotten you. He is not skipping over you. He has a plan that will be far better than you or I could ever imagine."

As I read through scripture I am constantly reminded of the superior plans of God and the lacking plans of man. In Proverbs there are a few verses that say this explicitly.

"The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the LORD."Proverbs 16:1 

"The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps."Proverbs 16:9

"Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand.Proverbs 19:21

"The purpose in a man's heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out."Proverbs 20:5

Then there are stories upon stories of how man planned things, God changed the plan, man was obedient (or disobedient in Jonah's case), and God was glorified. For so long I have had grand plans to do things, to go places, to live a certain way and now I am beginning to watch God change those plans. He has answered the many prayers I have prayed and has shown me the path to take. As for now, I sit and wait. Waiting is sometimes the hardest part.

"Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!"
Psalm 27:14

"Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for Him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!"

Psalm 37:7

"I waited patiently for the LORD; He inclined to me and heard my cry."

Psalm 40:1

"For God alone my soul waits in silence; from Him comes my salvation... For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from Him...Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us."

Psalm 62:1-8

"I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in His word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning."
Psalm 130:5

Waiting is the hardest part, but what is the proverb we have heard all of our lives? Oh yeah: "Good things come to those who wait." My heart has a gnawing desire that I cannot shake. I do not want to make it go away. So for now; I wait. I only pray that I can wait patiently and wait prayerfully. Waiting doesn't mean that I am sitting around twiddling my thumbs. Waiting is full of action. It is the action to fulfill what I am to be doing here. The actions to live, love, and learn. Waiting is a willingness to be preoccupied toiling in other ways in other places until the Lord takes me to a new place. 

A Little Taste of Italy...

Wow! Let me tell you that God has blessed me immensely with loving family, great friends, and good food (hehe) ... well and safe travels of course. As I look through my own pictures I can't help but ask myself if that is really me posing in front of this or that building. "Am I really here," the question that kept playing through my mind. Before leaving to get on the plane people asked me if I was excited to go. That was hard for me to answer, not because I didn't want to go but because it didn't quite seem real. It seemed as if I was living someone else's life doing things someone else would do. But this has been my dream since I was little. I think I was 6 years old when someone asked me what I wanted to do when I grew up. I told them I wanted to go to other countries and help people. Which is what I am on the path to do currently. Cultures, languages, religions, people, and history all fascinate me. Being in Rome where the history and culture is so thick is, well, almost unreal. My life still goes on day-by-day. I walk, eat, sleep, and breathe just like I would in Arkansas. Only, I'm not in Arkansas ... I'm nowhere near my family or closest friends. Yet, I don't feel very far way either.  It is the strangest feeling to have. This is my life, this is how I am supposed to live; off in some other country where I may or may not know the people I go to live amongst.

There is so much to be told about the 6 days I have spent in Rome and I will write about them, slowly, and tell you not only what I did and saw but what I learned from the culture, language, religion, people, and history. If I wrote it all at once you wouldn't want to read it; trust me, it would be really long. Just know this, everything (practically) that I have done since being here is new to me. So these posts will not be labelled like the rest of the "31 Day March" challenge but everyday has been something new and exciting.

I will tell you this, before I venture into posting and updating and whatnot, God continues to show me how much He loves me (not just me but this is my blog and what God is showing me so that is what I am sharing with you). He has provided constant protection, safe travels, lovely people, interesting situations, cultural sensitivity training (yes, even God reminds me to be sensitive to other cultures), and well... more than I can think of right now. There will not be a quiz or a test over this so don't feel like you have to read this or ask me about what I have been writing. There are so many things out there to see and do that I don't expect you to be part of every little thing I have done. Go, live your life!

This has probably been the biggest lesson of all. We only have one life to live, so why not start living it now.

Taking a Chance and Making Some Changes

For some reason, my whole life I have wanted to just uproot my life and travel the world. There is so much to be seen and so much to do outside of tiny city (compared to the rest of the world). This week I read an article or blog post or what-not titled Stop Delaying That Big Trip. Stop it. (click here to read it). Reading it made me really thankful for some recent changes in my life and  has encouraged me to look at some things in a different perspective. 

After I graduated high school in 2006 I went on a 1 week mission trip to Venezuela. Since then I have been dying to go back outside the country and never seemed to be able to go. The next two summers (2007 and 2008) I went on a Christian training project called Orlando Project with Campus Outreach. It was great but just fueled my desire to travel even more. We worked at Universal Studios our first summer and then we worked at Sea World (that summer we worked at a resort and it was AMAZING). I continued to meet people from all over the world everyday both summers. In 2008 I started working with international students. Once again, it just fueled the fire in my heart to drop everything I know and move thousands of miles away where I could see cultures, religions, and people for what they really are. So in November (2011) I started talking to a friend of mine who lives in Italy and decided in March I would go visit her. So in about 3 1/2 weeks I will be getting on a plane headed to Rome. There will be a few stops in other countries as I change planes (Canada, Germany, Italy, and Switzerland are all the airports I will be visiting). It is almost a thrill to know I am about to travel half way around the world with no plan. When I say no plan, I mean I have nothing scheduled; no meetings, no deadlines, nothing is required of me except to go and enjoy myself. I get a real vacation, I get to do what I have been waiting for my entire life. 

Most people are what is holding them back from their dreams. My friends know me as the safe one, the man with the plan. They know me as Business Bailey or Fanny Pack Mom. I am the one who doesn't take big risks or chances because there are so many things to be cautious of, but if we caution ourselves to the very point that we get in the way of ourselves we have lead very boring lives. Think about the craziest thing you have ever done. What was it? What did you do to get there? At this point of my life I have traveled outside the country without family and swam (and surfed) in shark infested waters (New Smyrna Beach, Florida is in the top 10 list for most shark attacks in the world), in 3 1/2 weeks I will be traveling out of the country completely alone for holiday. Reading the article I mentioned earlier, it brought up things I have heard others say and things I have said or thought to myself.

"If I don't do it now, I probably never will. - I couldn't live with that."

I too could not live with the fact that I have not done what I have always wanted to do, travel. So travel I will. My goal for 2012 is to travel outside the US twice. In March I will be going to Italy. Hopefully in May I will be going to India, if this trip does not work out I am all but begging my boss to let me go with the other recruiters to China. There are also some other trips I am looking into, but that is for another post another time. 

"To act as though traveling- especially when you're young - is some kind of insane luxury that is utterly unattainable unless the stars align perfectly and God hands you a couple hundred dollar bills while no one is looking is ludicrous."

With each new year comes new friends and new places and new-ness in general. I didn't make any new years resolutions or anything, however I did decide I am going to be myself and live more. These are two things I often forget to do because I have become so cautious of everything around me that taking chances pretty much went out the window. I viewed traveling as an "insane luxury that (was) utterly unattainable" until it suddenly hit me ... I am not married, have no kids, and nothing truly holding me back but myself. The adventurous spirit I once had was somehow gone. God did make it possible for me to go on this trip and continues to open doors for future travel. But I started making changes in my life to make this possible. If you want something you typically do something to make it work. Well, I decided to get certified to teach EFL (English as a Foreign Language) and finish my degree. This will allow me to eventually move outside of the country and travel to where the next job takes me. Told you, the adventurer in me is back :). 

“You’re so young. Go see the world, then come back and build your life."

So go, figure out who you are and what you want to do with your life. You only get one, so choose to live it well and with purpose. 

For the most part, jumping out and taking the chance to do this has reminded me of what I want to do with life. God has made it very clear to me that my current city will not be my home forever. The US is not my home, and ultimately the Earth is not my home (not that I am going to live on Mars or anything). My heart is to move overseas to share the gospel and fulfill the purpose God has given me. 

Oh and don't you worry, I will be posting about my trip(s). :)