Trivial Pursuit

As women we crave to be loved, cared for, held, and valued. We want to be told we are pretty and we want to feel pretty when we are around men. God made us to be different from men for a reason. Women have the role or responsibility to respond to men. Men have the role or responsibility to initiate to women (talking about initiating relationships here). God gave all things a particular order for a reason. To be honest, as a single and rather independent woman I have problems with His order occasionally. And yes, by occasionally I mean usually. I am in the trade of heart breaking, you see. Not the hearts of men, but rather my own heart over and over and over again. Sadly it is a repeating cycle, many times the poor man is unsuspecting and has no idea that I am taking a hammer with a pretty little picture of his face on it and shattering my own heart. Why do I do this? Well, not for fun… that is for sure. This is because I am going outside of God’s designed order and trying to create my own. I am basically saying that waiting for God’s best is taking to long and well, I’ll take that one. Then I realize I have made a mistake and not obeyed Christ and have, once again, shattered my own heart. I am left to pick up the pieces and bring them back to God and with tear filled eyes am begging Him to glue my heart back together.

When I go outside of God’s designed order I mess everything up, not that God cannot bless it, but because it is not what He has intended for me. (Mind you, He is not shocked that I am doing this … He knows all things and knows that I am a major screw up). God made men to want to be the leader. He made them to be the head of the household. When we as women go and try to lead, even by asking a man out on a date, it screws the whole thing up. I have used the excuse, “how will he know I like him back if I don’t show him in some way?” Well, asking him out is not the way to do that … that is for darn sure! When we put the metaphorical “pants” on in that relationship the guy begins to feel as if they are no longer needed as the leader and they fall in to passivity. That is not the way things were intended to be.   

“You see when God created male and female He created an object lesson a parable as it where of His entire redemptive plan. Manhood and womanhood, gender, sex, marriage all of those are mini lessons that proclaim the gospel. And when we talk about seeing Christ in the Old Testament we see Christ even in His creation of who He created us to be as male and female. The reason history started with God creating a man and a woman and a marriage, the reason it started with a man, a woman, and a marriage is because it is going to end with a man, a woman, and a marriage. That’s why! It will end when Christ the bridegroom is united with His bride the church and the two become one. This marriage will be consummated throughout eternity. That’s why we have male and female, it’s not about me, it’s not about my husband, and it’s not about you as men and women. It’s about displaying a story. We tell a story by virtue of how we live our lives as men and women.”

 - Mary Kassian, the Gospel Coalition, the Feminist Mistake.

There is much more to God’s design then us as women not being allowed to ask a man out on a date or take control of the relationship. God designed it to be a representation of Christ and the love He has for His bride. Honestly, everything comes back to the gospel so this should come as no surprise that marriage is a picture of the gospel. Christ loved the church so much that He was willing to lay His life down for her. When your boyfriend or fiancé or husband thinks that you might be in danger, what do they do? They run to the rescue no matter the cost, even if it may cost them their life. They love you enough to lay their life down for you. It is the gospel.

“We tell the story of the gospel with who we are as male and female. We uphold the gospel and that’s why it matters. … That is why gender is at the epicenter of the battle right now. Because if Satan can mar the image of male and female, what he is maring and what he is obscuring and what he is twisting is the story of the gospel and the display of the gospel.”

 - Mary Kassian, the Gospel Coalition, the Feminist Mistake

Does that not shake you up, even just a little? “If Satan can mar the image of male and female, what he is maring and what he is obscuring and what he is twisting is the story of the gospel and the display of the gospel.” There have been many times I have been so curious to know how a guy feels about me that I have wanted to scream and I have wanted to march right up to the man and say, “what the heck is going on here?” or even “what the heck are we?” Yet, I forget somehow if he likes me and if it is what God has planned, God will tell that guy we need to have a conversation and we need to figure things out. Now, I am not saying that we should be pulled around like little puppies on a string forever not knowing and being allowed to be led on, but I am saying if we trivialize what God has set up then we are messing with the whole process. God has set up the gender roles for a reason, even if we don’t like them. The grass is always greener on the other side.

This makes me think about every time I have liked a guy, and then have had my little heart crushed (unsuspected by him) when I find out he doesn’t like me back, or he has another girl in mind that he would like to pursue. There is nothing wrong with liking a member of the opposite sex, but when we take that and turn it into something far more we open ourselves up to heartbreak. When we do not let men be men we are taking away from what God has designed. Here is another personal example (no names used here). I have had many guy friends over the years. During college I can name and count the guys I have had crushes on and how I ended up breaking my own heart when they trusted me with the secret of who they were praying to pursue or finding out I am not the apple of this or that guy’s eye. Yeah, not an easy thing to deal with, but there are more than I want to mention and most of those guys don’t even know that they are “those” guys. When we try to take matters into our own hands and ignore the council given to us, God allows us to fall down. Even though we fall down, He is right there to pick us back up. He does not want us to trivialize the pursuit He has put in place. He sought us out and wants the men to seek us out as well.

Let men be men and let them be the ones to pursue. I write this mainly as a reminder to myself but also to those who are always wishing that this guy or that guy would like them or want to be their boyfriend or what not. It all pretty much boils down to contentment. When we are not content in where God has us we are much less likely to trust Him. When we do not trust Him we are trusting in something else, most likely ourselves. This means that we have made ourselves our own god. Let me tell you, we are not very good gods, that is why God is God. All of that to say, when we do not trust God and we trust ourselves we do what we want to get a result, even if it is not the one we want. In my case (in the past) I wanted to know so badly if this or that guy liked me so I would have other guy friends find out who that guy liked (this would be after months of being agonized by liking whoever the guy was). Yeah, it would come as a huge shock when it wasn’t me. Sometimes I would pray for months that God would show me how the guy felt, when I found out it wasn’t the same as me … well you get the point. God has a specific plan and when we try to make our own plan and ignore His, we get hurt.

Are you content or are you trying to make things happen for yourself?

"It ain't gonna be easy, but nothing worth it ever is."

Walking through the living room I heard two men on a television show talking. The only part of the conversation I heard was one man telling another “It ain’t going to be easy.” The other man replies back, “Nothing worth it ever is.”  Wow! Such words of wisdom from, well I have no idea what show it was from because I was just passing through, but powerful none-the-less. This phrase has echoed through my mind for the past few months. I see it played out often and have used it when talking to friends about things going on in their lives. I have used it when applying things to my own life. Nothing worth it is ever easy. Think about the things you value or find worth in …  Your spouse? Your kids? Your best friend? Your job? Your … anything else. Marriage is hard! Not that I know from experience but I know second hand knowledge. Having friends who are married and tell me about the struggles of marriage, “it ain’t easy.” Friends that have kids, and well, my poor poor parents. Having kids is not an easy thing, yet it is worth it to raise them and to love them. Having a best friend is not easy. Anything where there is more than just you, well it is not going to be easy. But think about the friendships or relationships you value the most … how many arguments or disagreements or frustrations have you endured? You look back now and most likely say, “It was worth it.”

We do not fight for things if we do not think they are worth it to us. I look back on some of the arguments I have had in the past and even the things I have spent my money on and ask my self why I thought it was worth it. Ecclesiastes (the entire book) shows us that everything outside of living for Christ is “striving after the wind.” Keeping that in mind, reevaluating things that are worth it seem rather difficult to me. What is worth the money? What is worth the time? What is worth the effort? And so on and so forth. I am reading a book, Every Woman’s Battle, and in this book it poses the question “what are you storing up in your heart?” About a week ago, or so, our pastor mentioned the same question in his sermon, “what are you storing up in your heart?” (I think God has been trying to get me to reevaluate some things in my life, what do you think? J). Both my pastor and the author are getting at the same thing, the entertainment (movies, books, music, television, internet, hobbies, etc) that I watch/listen to/read/etc are all storing up in my heart. The overflow of the mouth comes from the heart. Am I showing Christ’s likeness from my mouth? If not, the worldliness escaping my lips are proof of what I hold as valuable.

We as people store up what we find the most valuable. There are people that collect Star Wars memorabilia and they count that as their most prized possession. Others stock pile their money, money is what they value most. Some hang on to pictures because they value the memories. Everyone has something they find valuable. Yet, is your most prized possession worth it? Is it worth the difficulty? Men lose their families because they become workaholics thinking more money will make their family happy and satisfied. The original intent was not bad, they value their family and want to take care of them yet they lose sight of their kids needing a dad and their wife needing a husband. They lost sight of the original commitment. Their idea of value somehow was switched and they now seek financial gain as their sense of security completely taking their eyes off “the prize,” Christ. Christ saw us as something so valuable and so worth it that He came to earth, was born in a smelly manger, lived a poor and humble life for 33 years, was crucified, and died. All because He believed that something so worth it would not be easy. He paid the ultimate sacrifice so that we could have a chance at knowing Him. Not just that, but scripture says that He being man was tempted in every way. He was tempted by anger, He was tempted with financial gain … get this He was even tempted with lust and sexual desire. Yet, He overcame it all. He lived a perfectly sinless life. He saw YOU as something so worth it that He would fight the fight for you, even 2,000 years ago so YOU could have a chance to come to know Him.

Christ knows that following Him is not easy. He knows that we are going to be tempted by things. Following Christ is not easy, but oh is it so very worth it! Living for Christ is the only thing that is truly worth anything. We cannot take our money, clothes, material possessions, entertainment, etc with us when we die. NO! It is temporary. We can only take with us the things we have stored up for eternity. Scripture tells us that all our words and deeds will be put to the test by fire. It says that all things of hay and stubble will be burned up but all things of gold and silver will come through. What do you see when you look at your life? God created us to glorify Him. Glorifying Him “ain’t gonna be easy, but nothing worth it ever is.”

Is what you are living for really worth living for?

Faithful Obedience

God’s word never ceases to teach me something new. No matter how many times I read over a particular section there is always something new to learn. In August of this year I decided I wanted to go through and re-read the Bible. It took me a year and a half (ish … maybe longer) to do it the last time so I decided to do it again. Well I finally made it to Numbers and if you have ever tried to read Numbers you know it is not necessarily the easiest to read. Yet, something about the Old Testament pulls me in and makes me excited to read more and to know more about what is being presented. My pastor calls himself a Old Testament nerd and I have come to find that I too love it dearly. I love the whole Bible but I really like knowing how everything came to be.

There are many cases in Numbers where the Israelites are obedient and show this in various ways, however, this is one of my favorite ways in which it is shown. In Numbers 9 I have seen what it truly looks like to trust God. I mean to really trust God. God told Moses when he and the people were to camp and when they were to travel. The people did exactly what they were told. We are not told if the people complained or if they drug their feet on hitting the road, all we are told is that they obeyed. So I take it like it is, the Israelites obeyed what God told them to do. If there was a cloud covering the Tabernacle they were to camp and stay where they were, they knew they would eventually be moving but they did not know how long they were going to be camped where they where or where they were going. They knew they were called to obedience. If the cloud was lifted from the Tabernacle they knew they were to pack up and head out.

“At the command of the Lord the people of Israel set out, and at the command of the Lord they camped. As long as the cloud rested over the tabernacle, they camped.”

~Numbers 9:18

The second half of verse 18 really gets me, “As long as the cloud rested over the tabernacle, they camped.” They really had no idea how long they were going to be there. That is amazing to me! I have a hard time waiting when I know how long I am going to be waiting, it is especially hard to wait on things when I have no idea when they are going to happen. From chapter 9 verse 15-23 it continues to repeat that the people were called to obedience and they obeyed. In scripture, as in other books (such as textbooks), repetition means REMEMBER THIS or KNOW THIS! Numbers 9 is no different. The repetition here tells me that we may not know how long God has us “camping” out in a certain area but we are called to obedience. We are to be where He has us, even if we do not like it very much. God has us where we are for a reason.

Here is a personal example of this whole idea of being where He has us even if I do not like what He has me doing. I love working with and ministering to international students. God has given me a very unique opportunity to work directly with over 1,000 students from other countries. My hearts desire is to live and work directly with them in their own countries. However, God has me camping out in the US for a while. I have no idea how long He is going to have me here. Yet I know He has a plan for my life and He knows far better than I. So as much as I want to be a bazillion miles away in another country I remain here doing what He has called me to do here. He has called me to obedience. Obedience in this situation means seeking Him daily and growing closer to Him.  That when He does lift the cloud and have me move from this camp to the next I cannot say I have wasted my time wishing I was somewhere else.

The Israelites were obedient beyond my comprehension. They did exactly what God told them to do. It was like the endurance version of the game Red Light, Green Light. They couldn’t really look to what was ahead because they had no specifics. God continued giving them reason to trust Him. We live in a society that teaches us to be independent and to look to ourselves only for everything we need. So as a Christian in this day and age a common struggle seems to be that of putting our full trust and obedience in Christ. God shows His faithfulness throughout His word but also everyday. He reminds us of the promise to take care of our needs with the rain. He reminds us of the promise He will not destroy the Earth again with floods by the rainbow after the rain. He reminds us of His love by giving us another chance everyday. He also promises to return someday and reminds us of this by death of people, plants, and animals. He reminds us daily of His promises and of our role. It is up to us to trust and obey. (Yes, I just used an old hymn reference … good luck getting that out of your head). 

Unique Childlike Faith

Tonight was a very interesting night, one that I hope doesn't leave my memory. God has reminded me that children are such a precious gift. Each child is different. They are creative in their own ways, communicate in their own ways, talented in their own ways, show love and affection in their own ways, and have unique needs. I also continue to notice that children are drawn to me like a magnet to a refrigerator door. There are two children in particular that I absolutely adore and cherish. They brighten up my day (or night) by simply seeing them. For being four and two years old they are both very bright and very ... very funny!

The local home school group put on a Thanksgiving feast and talent show tonight. My mentor or disciple leader or personal Yoda or whatever you would like to call her invited me to tag along with her and the fam. Two of her children were performing as well as other children from the church. Her two daughters and a friend from church sang a song written by the eldest of the two daughters. The song, you might be wondering is titled "Me and My Bunnies." It is hilarious! (If you would like to view the hilarity please click here ... I highly recommend watching). Earlier in the show one of the classes performed. It was the Hands Praise Class (could have butcherd the name, if so I apologize), this class teaches children sign language to praise songs. One of the little boys in the class is autistic. He is in the Sunday school class I help with and so I am particularly biased to things that he does. As I sat and watched him go through this song I cried. No idea why, but I did. Like a big baby I cried as I watched him with the biggest smile do the motions to a song praising Christ our King.

Watching him and thinking back to him with that big ole' smile makes me think of the verse encouraging us to have the faith of a child. There is nothing like watching an autistic child who trusts his parents fully and locks eyes with his mother the entire time he is on stage. He grinned from ear to ear, more so than anyone I have ever seen. He watched her wanting to make sure he was doing what she was reminding him to do. He didn't want to lose sight of what she was showing him, he was trying to mimic her exact motions. That is child-like faith, trusting everything your Father shows you and wanting to mimic everything He does. Just like this little boy and his mother, she knew that he would not be able to get everything 100% correct but he gave it all he had and he smiled the entire time. God, our Father, has a purpose for us and gives us instruction. He made us, therefore He knows we are going to screw up. He does not expect us to do things 100% accurate, He loves us and wants us to trust Him. He wants us to have faith like a child trusting his mother to provide instruction. He wants us to be happy where He has us. He loves us enough to provide instruction and to give us grace when we fail. I will be the first to admit I am a failure, but I am a failure for Jesus. At the end of the day I can say, "at least I tried." Even if I fail, I can look back and ask myself if I have done all things for the glory of God. If I failed but did it trying to glorify God, I am going to go out on a limb here and say that He was glorified. This little boy was giving all he had trusting his mother and reminded me just how much I need to follow his example. I want to be so reliant upon God that I am looking only to Him for instruction, not caring if I get everything right but just trying to do what He wants with a big silly grin on my face.

He made me cry, but not in a bad way. He made me cry in a way that makes me thank God. This little boy is "near and dear to my heart," as we say here in the South. One of his favorite things to shout during Sunday school for an answer (to any question really) is "obey God!" He says it with such gusto and excitement I can't help but smile when he says it, he is such a Jesus lover! He shows such unique childlike faith. Usually when you see kids who trust their parents it is encouraging but when I watch him I see who I want to be as a child of the King. So I thank God for little Zeke and his trusting heart. It makes me want to get down on my knees and beg God to someday make me a parent that is worth trusting and worth looking up to in Him. I want to be so focused on the Lord that when my children lean on me and look to me and follow me they are leaning on, looking to, and following Christ ... not me. Zeke makes me want to be a better parent to children I don't even have. I truly thank God for Zeke and his ability as 1st/2nd grader to push others to Christ. His family is truly blessed with such a great example of childlike faith.

Rainy Season

Some people find rain dreary, annoying, or depressing. Others think of the rain as a chance to go play in it, curl up and read a good book, or lounge around watching a movie. Regardless of what you think or do, the rain still falls.

Rain is one of my favorite weather patterns. It is always different but always has the same purpose. It rains to sustain life systems all around us (including us). Without rain we would have no plants. Without plants our animals die. If our plants and animals die, we die. See, doesn't rain seem so much better now?! Seriously though, God has shown me so much through the rain.

Things I have learned through the rain:
1. God loves His creation.
God has a reason for us being here. If He did not want us here He would take us out. Thus no more need for rain. He allows it to continue raining so we can continue living. He loves us enough to send the rain.

2. God is faithful.
Being in the south it gets super hot during the summer. That heat really doesn't bother me, not sure why God made me where I can endure heat but He did and I thoroughly enjoy not being miserable during the summer. One summer a friend and I were working at Discovery Cove in Orlando with a Christian summer project. It was super humid and hot and well ... we thought we might stroke out when we took the garbage to the back lot. So we sat down for a little rest. We both agreed we wished it would rain. So one of us suggested we pray. We looked at each other, bowed our heads and closed our eyes. Before I could even utter "Father, please..." it started pouring rain. God is faithful. He knows what His children want and need before we ever ask. He just wants us to ask. When we did it poured.

3. God loves the lost and wants to show Himself to them.
A friend of mine, who a few of us had been sharing with, was on her way to work with a relative. It started raining outside on her way to work. She told the relative in the passenger seat that she was going to pray for God to stop the rain long enough for them to go inside. She prayed. When they arrived at their office building it stopped raining. After they walked inside the rain started up again. God graciously answered my friends prayer and showed her that He has her best interest at heart.

4. God cries with us.
(Now this is not necessarily a biblical truth so do not quote me on this as anything more than my personal opinion.) To me it seems as if every funeral I am at or every time someone I know passes away it rains. It is almost as if God is crying with me and mourning with me. That very rain also comforts me and reminds me that God loves me and that He is faithful and that He loves the lost. He weeps over lost souls. He rejoices over the angels He gains when true followers pass on to be with Him. Yet, though He rejoices He knows we here on earth do not fully grasp the passing on to eternal life. In my experience (which is completely different than everyone elses .. I completely get that) He makes it rain. He comforts me through the rain and reminds me He is alive and real.

There have been many times when I have been driving and have begun praying and as I pray it rains. The longer I pray the more it rains. When I stop praying, it stops raining. There have been times I have prayed for rain and the rain has fallen. In the past year I have prayed in the rain, prayed for the rain, and happily walked through the rain with no umbrella. This has probably been the rainiest season of my life in all the best ways. Yet, as I write this and stop to think about my own experience with rain I wonder if it is raining for others in a completely different light. God shows His children things in different ways. Mine happen to come in the form of "rain drops fallin' on my head..." (yes, that song is now stuck in your head).

One of the most amazing things about rain is that it can be a perfectly cloudless sky and rain can be pouring down. Sometimes we do not see the rain coming. Rain makes things grow. If you are a child of God, He wants you to grow so He will give you many rainy seasons, not because rain is a punishment but because He loves you and cares for your holiness. When we go through hardships and trials we are stripped bare and refined. He sets us on fire to see what remains. He makes us holy, as He is holy. Rain is a good thing, a very very good thing. 

Happily Holy

The past month or so I seem to have been going through a dry spell. Which, to me, inevitably means that I am in sin. I can see the down spiraling of my actions and decisions from decent to bad to worse. As I actively choose sin over the love of Christ I, like everyone else who trust/loves/follows Christ end up far away from Him.

It has taken much for God to pull me back to Him and sadly enough, I am still nowhere near where I was or where I wish I was in my relationship with Him. Through recent events with a few of my friends who have also been going through dry spells, who have also seen the results of sin in their lives, Christ has shown me my own sin against Him and against others. Each one of us, in our own way, have actively chosen to pull away from our first Love. We have chosen to stray off that narrow way and try to hop the fence to get on the wide path that looks so appealing to us. Yet, God stops us and reminds each of us that we are His. He reminds us of the parable of the lost sheep (Luke 15:3-7). When we, as the sheep did, stray from Him He will come find us and rejoice over us. He does not need us. He wants us. He chooses us for no other reason than to bring Himself glory. Yes, you … He chooses you to bring Him glory. The word chooses is not a typo, He actively chooses us everyday. He wants to make you righteous and holy and wants to remind you that you are loved and cared for by Him. This is not just a feel good message like the “Uncle Sam Wants You” campaign; no this is the God of the universe who wants to use you for His glory. But He declares us righteous when we are identified with Him.

Reading through Exodus proves to be difficult once I start trekking through the end of the book. All the information about how the temple was to be built and what was to be plated in gold. All the different tools and metals used and all of the measurements, OH the measurements!! But then I came upon chapter 29. Not necessarily very exciting to me, at least not until I came to verse 34 and 37. What do those two verses say, you may be asking yourself. Well I will tell you!

“It shall not be eaten, because it is holy” ~verse 34 c

“Seven days you shall make atonement for the altar and consecrate it, and the altar shall be most holy. Whatever touches the altar shall become holy.” ~ verse 37

These verses are obviously referring to the rules about sacrifices. This particular way of preparing a sacrifice was only good enough for Christ. This sacrifice could be consumed on the day it was made set upon the altar but if there was any left over it was not to be eaten because it was holy. They could not eat it because it was holy. Holy means it was set apart, different, godly, pure quality. Holy has a whole slew of meanings and this is scratching the mere surface of the depth of the meaning. For now, we will leave it at “set apart” and “different.” This sacrifice was completely set apart. It was only for Christ, it was good enough for only Him. No one below the level of pure godliness could consume this. It was by far different than all the other sacrifices in the way it was prepared and what was to be with it at the end of the day.

We get down to verse 37 and see that the altar was to be consecrated and atonement was to be made for seven days. At this point the altar was considered “most holy” and “whatever touches the altar shall become holy.” After it had been declared holy, anything that touched it became holy as well. When we come to the Lord we are declared righteous and holy. He wants us to be holy as He is holy (Lev. 11:44 and I Peter 1:16). Whatever touched the altar that had been declared holy then became holy. Oooooo how I want this to be reflected in my life! If I am like Christ, who is holy, I should give off holiness. Those around me should be pushed to holiness and become more holy. All because Christ is holy! People rub off on me very easy. I pick up on mannerisms and quirky traits and even patterns of speech. When I think about rubbing off on others, this is what I want others to be getting. I want to love God so much that I would do anything to be holy as He is holy. Those that are around me (or as our pastor would say, in my sphere of influence) should be picking up on holiness more than anything.

Christ has called those who follow Him to a higher standard. We are to be holy as He is holy. Heck we should desire to be holy! Many times I catch myself wanting to be awesome as the world calls awesome rather than seeking Christ-like characteristics. Four and a half years ago I officially began my journey with Christ, well that is when I willingly began to journey with Him for He had already begun working in my heart long before then. My life is completely different from what it was 5 years ago. It is completely different than it was one year ago. Every year, month, and day I should be growing closer to Christ and being conformed to His image. This has not been an easy journey, then again nothing worth it ever is (still planning on writing a separate post about this quote).  We will never reach perfection and yet He still wants us to try. The closer we get to Him the more we should desire this. My appetite for holiness is far different than it was a few years ago as is my appetite for certain foods (ask my friends, I now eat egg rolls… crazy I know!). Just as we crave particular foods we also should crave the things of God in our love for Him.

Coming out of this particular dry season, God has taught me what it means to crave holiness and to crave Christ-likeness. Through a verse near the end of Exodus 29, He reminded me that I am to be holy as He is holy. God’s greatest concern for us is not that we are happy; it is that we are holy. People seem to interchange those two short words when they indeed should not be used interchangeably. The two are completely different. John Piper was quoted, recently, saying, “If God’s love for his children is to be measured by our health, wealth, and comfort in this life, God hated the apostle Paul.” Do you realize it pleased God to crush His own Son? God is not worried about how happy we may be while on this little journey here on earth. He wants us to be made like Him. Being made like Him does not necessarily include being sad, lonely, and depressed. I have known many who love God and have not met the adversity that Paul or Peter or many others have faced. On the other hand, I have known just as many who have experienced the tough trials and sufferings. God has a plan for each one of us and His plans for each person differ. Paul seemed loved God and was thankful to be found righteous in His eyes. I would even say he was happily holy. This too I desire to be.

A Gift of Love

One night after a big event at our university’s Student Union, a sweet friend leaned over and asked me if I thought true love could really exist. She told me she thought she could never be loved by a man the way our friend Sam* loves Brenda*. She went on to mention how Sam looks at Brenda and the way he talks to her and the way he treats her. This is just not something my friend had seen lived out by others.  This made me really sad for her. Then I realized, sadly I too feel that way and I have seen this lived out in the lives of those that are near and dear to me.

As of late I have been reading a book called A Man Worth Waiting For: How to Avoid a Bozo by Jackie Kendall. It seems to be written for girls that are in junior high, high school, or maybe even at the oldest their freshman year in college. None-the-less I am reading it and sticking it out. It is good and has great things spread through out the book. I came across the following in one of the chapters.

“A very successful hairstylist [told] me that over the years he has seen the saddest thing in the lives of most of his clients: ‘Women no longer marry for love, because they don’t believe true love exists. They assume it is an extinct reality. Instead of love, women now marry for money and power.’”

Jackie Kendall, A Man Worth Waiting For: How to Avoid a Bozo

Reading this made stop and think about how the young women I am around, as well as myself, view love and marriage. The sad truth is that we may crave love but we are willing to settle. We sadly think that God is not going to come through for us or that we have to choose our own fate so we take whatever looks good at the time. Ok, so I know someone who is reading this or will eventually read this is going to think, “I know God can provide and can provide a man worth marrying.” Do you really believe that? Look at your actions … Do you flirt with your guy friends for the sake of flirting? Do you feel like you just have to be in a relationship or you have to be liked by someone?

Your actions say more about what you believe than you think they do. A couple of Sunday’s ago our pastor was preaching on Knowing Who Really Matters and said, “What you are believing is what you are being.” That completely applies here. What you believe is shown through your actions. For example, if I believed that I would get hit by a train if I drove over the train tracks when the bars were down it would be stupid for me to drive over the blasted train tracks. So if I believed I would get hit and either be ridiculously injured or dead it would not be something I gave my life to doing. So if my continuous actions were dating anyone that asked me on a date or doing anything I could (within reason) to get a boyfriend, you can derive from that my beliefs that God will provide are pretty much non-existent.

It is not sinful to want to be pursued/courted or married, but if it is all you think about all day everyday … you might have a problem. If it is the thing that dominates your thoughts and actions you might do have a problem. I am a young woman, I think about marriage and having a family and being the mistress of my own home and blah blah blah. But I am also learning what it means to take every thought captive, to not dwell on those thoughts and the crazy day dreams and what not. God has made us to desire such things but He wants us to seek Him about them all. He wants to fill those desires with Himself.  To better explain this I will use a quote from a Mary Kassian sermon I listened to the other night.

“You see when God created male and female He created an object lesson a parable, as it where, of His entire redemptive plan. Manhood and womanhood, gender, sex, marriage all of those are mini lessons that proclaim the gospel. And when we talk about seeing Christ in the Old Testament we see Christ even in His creation of who He created us to be as male and female. The reason history started with God creating a man and a woman and a marriage is because it is going to end with a man, a woman, and a marriage. That’s why! It will end when Christ, the bridegroom, is united with His bride, the church, and the two become one. This marriage will be consummated throughout eternity. That’s why we have male and female, it’s not about me, it’s not about my husband, and it’s not about you as men and women. It’s about displaying a story. We tell a story by virtue of how we live our lives as men and women.” 

- Mary Kassian, the Gospel Coalition, the Feminist Mistake.

John McArthur said (in a sermon about God’s word), “The gospel is not a feel good message, it is about abandoning your life.” Far too often we think the gospel is supposed to benefit us and give us the warm fuzzies. The thing is, the gospel is not about us and it never was about us. God, in His mercy, allows us to have part in taking the gospel to others. He gave us the gifts of singleness and marriage as a picture of the gospel. Both singleness and marriage are extraordinary pictures of the gospel. With singleness we see God using us in total abandonment to Him. Having no spouse or children or other people to provide for other than the physical needs for self, we get to learn to be self-less and have the choice to live radically abandoned to Christ. Spending our time, money, energy, and efforts on taking the gospel to the lost community around us. We get to have uninterrupted fellowship with God. With marriage we see the example of Christ and the church working alongside each other to spread the gospel. Having fellowship with one-another and with God. Both singleness and marriage are hard work. “It ain’t going to be easy, but nothing worth it ever is,” quote from a television show (have a whole article about this one quote … well coming soon anyway).

God has you where you are for a reason. Know this, I am writing this more for myself than for others, simply because I know my own heart. “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it,” (Jeremiah 17:9, KJV). God knows us better than we know ourselves (hello, read Psalm 139). He knows exactly what we need. If we are in Him, He hears our prayers. You would not believe the crazy things I have prayed for and God has answered [ask me and I will tell you … trust me, some of them are plain crazy]. We do not have, because we do not ask (James 4:2). Keep this in mind, God is not your personal genie in a bottle either (James 1:6-8). There are many things I have prayed and God’s answer has been silence. Not going to lie to you here, I have prayed for marriage quite a bit and guess what, still single as they come. Does that make God any less good? NO!! God knows what I need. He knows I would not be able to do what He has me doing right now if I was in a relationship. He has me in a unique little spot and I do not understand at times I am learning what it means to be obedient and how to have an obedient heart. He is not oblivious to my desires; He has put them in me. Just as He has put a desire in your heart for marriage or missions or a particular ministry and so-on and so-forth. He has a reason for that desire to be there. God says, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope,” (Jeremiah 29:11). In Jeremiah 32:27 He says, “Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh. Is anything too hard for Me?” Jeremiah, in Chapter 32, is praying for understanding and that is how the Lord answered his prayer … “is anything too hard for Me?”

Are you living in a manner that shows you trust God with your whole life? I know for me this is an area of my life I try to hold on to and occasionally tell God that this is my territory. God continues to show me that because I am His I am to live radically abandoned to Him. Even with my “love life,” or what I refer to as the lack there of, it is all His. God is teaching me when those tiny little thoughts pop up about how badly I want to be married or how nice it would be to wake up with someone next to me (especially as the weather gets colder and it is cold in my room), He is teaching me to look to Him. He is mighty to save (Zephaniah 3:17), He is continually saving me from my thoughts … from myself. He has paid the ultimate sacrifice and I am dead to sin and alive to God, in Christ Jesus (Romans 6:11-12). I choose to be alive in Christ and dead to sin. The price has been paid, I need not pay more.

Going back to the beginning of this post where I shared about my friend, if we are in Christ we are loved far beyond our own imagination. The God of the universe chooses to love us although He knows everything about us. No man could ever love you the way God loves you. God did, however, make men that are worth the wait. He continually raises up godly men who love the Lord and pursue Him. God writes good stories, let Him be the one to write your love story. This comes like a ton of bricks in the face to me, because I, at times, am on the look out for whatever love story He may be writing for me. Which is probably why I am still single, God wants me to trust Him and submit my life fully to Him rather than be on the lookout for a man. It is possible to marry a man like Boaz (from the book of Ruth) who loves God and loves his wife. Love still exists, don’t settle anyone less than a man walking with the Lord.

*names were changed

Articles of Reference:

Mr. Right or Mr. Right in Front of You by Gabrielle Pickle

The Playground of Your Mind by Katie McCoy