The Action in Waiting

Lately my heart has had this gnawing feeling. It is a feeling that I cannot shake, nor do I want to. It is that constant desire to leave everything that I know and everything that is comfortable and go to a new place. A place where nothing is familiar except the scenes from pictures I have looked at and movies I have watched. It is a feeling that I want to go to a place where everyone and everything is new. My heart beats a little faster and my mind wanders at the simple mention of a new place. What would it be like there? Who would I meet? What new things would I try? What are the names of the streets I might walk upon?

Home is not my home. When I leave town I always feel like I am going home. When I am coming back I feel like I am a stranger in a sea of familiar faces. I am more comfortable in a crowd of strangers than in a group of the familiars I have known for so long.

Then, as if God is audibly speaking to me I hear, "Not now my child. That time shall come. Be patient. Look where I have you. Be here. Live here. Love here. Wait for me. Do not get ahead of yourself." It is the words of a dear friend I continue to hear ringing in my mind: "God has not forgotten you. He is not skipping over you. He has a plan that will be far better than you or I could ever imagine."

As I read through scripture I am constantly reminded of the superior plans of God and the lacking plans of man. In Proverbs there are a few verses that say this explicitly.

"The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the LORD."Proverbs 16:1 

"The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps."Proverbs 16:9

"Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand.Proverbs 19:21

"The purpose in a man's heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out."Proverbs 20:5

Then there are stories upon stories of how man planned things, God changed the plan, man was obedient (or disobedient in Jonah's case), and God was glorified. For so long I have had grand plans to do things, to go places, to live a certain way and now I am beginning to watch God change those plans. He has answered the many prayers I have prayed and has shown me the path to take. As for now, I sit and wait. Waiting is sometimes the hardest part.

"Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!"
Psalm 27:14

"Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for Him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!"

Psalm 37:7

"I waited patiently for the LORD; He inclined to me and heard my cry."

Psalm 40:1

"For God alone my soul waits in silence; from Him comes my salvation... For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from Him...Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us."

Psalm 62:1-8

"I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in His word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning."
Psalm 130:5

Waiting is the hardest part, but what is the proverb we have heard all of our lives? Oh yeah: "Good things come to those who wait." My heart has a gnawing desire that I cannot shake. I do not want to make it go away. So for now; I wait. I only pray that I can wait patiently and wait prayerfully. Waiting doesn't mean that I am sitting around twiddling my thumbs. Waiting is full of action. It is the action to fulfill what I am to be doing here. The actions to live, love, and learn. Waiting is a willingness to be preoccupied toiling in other ways in other places until the Lord takes me to a new place. 

Faithful Obedience

God’s word never ceases to teach me something new. No matter how many times I read over a particular section there is always something new to learn. In August of this year I decided I wanted to go through and re-read the Bible. It took me a year and a half (ish … maybe longer) to do it the last time so I decided to do it again. Well I finally made it to Numbers and if you have ever tried to read Numbers you know it is not necessarily the easiest to read. Yet, something about the Old Testament pulls me in and makes me excited to read more and to know more about what is being presented. My pastor calls himself a Old Testament nerd and I have come to find that I too love it dearly. I love the whole Bible but I really like knowing how everything came to be.

There are many cases in Numbers where the Israelites are obedient and show this in various ways, however, this is one of my favorite ways in which it is shown. In Numbers 9 I have seen what it truly looks like to trust God. I mean to really trust God. God told Moses when he and the people were to camp and when they were to travel. The people did exactly what they were told. We are not told if the people complained or if they drug their feet on hitting the road, all we are told is that they obeyed. So I take it like it is, the Israelites obeyed what God told them to do. If there was a cloud covering the Tabernacle they were to camp and stay where they were, they knew they would eventually be moving but they did not know how long they were going to be camped where they where or where they were going. They knew they were called to obedience. If the cloud was lifted from the Tabernacle they knew they were to pack up and head out.

“At the command of the Lord the people of Israel set out, and at the command of the Lord they camped. As long as the cloud rested over the tabernacle, they camped.”

~Numbers 9:18

The second half of verse 18 really gets me, “As long as the cloud rested over the tabernacle, they camped.” They really had no idea how long they were going to be there. That is amazing to me! I have a hard time waiting when I know how long I am going to be waiting, it is especially hard to wait on things when I have no idea when they are going to happen. From chapter 9 verse 15-23 it continues to repeat that the people were called to obedience and they obeyed. In scripture, as in other books (such as textbooks), repetition means REMEMBER THIS or KNOW THIS! Numbers 9 is no different. The repetition here tells me that we may not know how long God has us “camping” out in a certain area but we are called to obedience. We are to be where He has us, even if we do not like it very much. God has us where we are for a reason.

Here is a personal example of this whole idea of being where He has us even if I do not like what He has me doing. I love working with and ministering to international students. God has given me a very unique opportunity to work directly with over 1,000 students from other countries. My hearts desire is to live and work directly with them in their own countries. However, God has me camping out in the US for a while. I have no idea how long He is going to have me here. Yet I know He has a plan for my life and He knows far better than I. So as much as I want to be a bazillion miles away in another country I remain here doing what He has called me to do here. He has called me to obedience. Obedience in this situation means seeking Him daily and growing closer to Him.  That when He does lift the cloud and have me move from this camp to the next I cannot say I have wasted my time wishing I was somewhere else.

The Israelites were obedient beyond my comprehension. They did exactly what God told them to do. It was like the endurance version of the game Red Light, Green Light. They couldn’t really look to what was ahead because they had no specifics. God continued giving them reason to trust Him. We live in a society that teaches us to be independent and to look to ourselves only for everything we need. So as a Christian in this day and age a common struggle seems to be that of putting our full trust and obedience in Christ. God shows His faithfulness throughout His word but also everyday. He reminds us of the promise to take care of our needs with the rain. He reminds us of the promise He will not destroy the Earth again with floods by the rainbow after the rain. He reminds us of His love by giving us another chance everyday. He also promises to return someday and reminds us of this by death of people, plants, and animals. He reminds us daily of His promises and of our role. It is up to us to trust and obey. (Yes, I just used an old hymn reference … good luck getting that out of your head).