This is by far probably the most light-hearted post I've written since starting this blog, but everyone needs a little laughter. Last night I was recounting some funny moments since moving into my new apartment with one of my best friends. We sat there laughing at how blonde my brain is. No, my hair is not blonde, my brain is blonde... Here are four short funnies, plan to post a few more later:
The Walk of Shame
Last year I bought a car, the first car I have ever had thank you very much! I am so proud of Keisha. She is a great car. However, Keisha doesn't drive without a driver. One day I was rushing around doing somethings I needed to get done at work. Ran out of the office for lunch - I must add that I wasn't paying attention to anything around me and I was texting. I jumped in my car and buckled up, still texting. I looked up and realized, no one is going to drive me to lunch and I was in the passenger seat of my car (face ... palm). Yeah, well done Bailey. So I set all of my things in the floor board and pretended to be getting something out of my car as I slowly forced myself out of the passenger side. This was the walk of shame to the driver's side of the car.
Magical Push Pins
Like I said earlier, my best friend and I just moved into an apartment that was built in the 1950s. The walls are super thick and have a plaster coating. We were told if we want to hang anything on the walls we need to screw through the walls first and then put the nail in, to keep pieces of the wall from chipping off in huge chunks. So what do I do? I get the bright idea to put my wall map up and use push pins. One of the guys helping me move came to the back room where I was. I was standing on the vanity stool trying to push a push pin in the wall. There I was getting frustrated every push pin was bending. Why didn't I stop? Heavens knows... but not me. He walked over and I handed him the push pin, thinking he was going to magically put it in the wall. He set it on my dresser and walked away slightly laughing at me. I asked him what was so funny. He reminded me of what I was told about the walls. It still didn't click... Let's just say that I don't have anything hanging on my walls right now.
The Other Side of the Room
One of the cool things about this apartment is our basic cable is included, so we don't have to go through the hassle of calling, paying, etc. If we were left to it, we wouldn't have cable. But we do, so yay! My personal Yoda (she has been mentioned in a previous post- she disciples me) let me use one of their big TVs until I decide to buy a big one or move halfway around the world where I will not need one. We have two cable cords in our living room. So when the guys were helping me move in, a week before best friend moved in, they put my TV in the living room next to a cable cord. I was so excited that we had basic cable that I wanted to check it right away. It only picked up four channels. So I was thinking that it was super basic cable. Thought to myself, "No big deal, I don't really watch TV anyway." Well one of our neighbors is a good friend of mine. She told me we should be getting almost 100 channels. So a friend helped me move my TV from one side of the room to the other, thinking the cable cord I was using was old and the new cable cord was on the other side. So we were really excited and we turned it on. Still only picking up four channels, what the heck! So a few days later I started playing around with the menu on the TV. I realized there is a cable button on the menu, some sort of toggle setting. So I toggled it over. Lo-and-behold there were almost 100 channels. Our TV is still on that side of the room...
Rain Storm in La-La-Land
There are many things I really enjoy about our apartment, the fact it was built in the 50s is a huge deal to me. Just love that kind of stuff. The windows are also the fun kind! You know what I am talking about... The 1990s hand crank window that no one looks cool trying to roll down. Only in an apartment it is kind of cool. It gives it that cute retro look. Well, until it rains. Then it gives it that freshly rained on look. Because I love these windows so much I began leaving them open anytime I was home. Wide open, all the way cranked. It began looking stormy - side note, I love storms - and I was thinking things were fine because it wasn't actually raining yet. So when it did start raining I walked through to make sure rain wasn't getting in the apartment. We have screens on the windows, after all. Somehow in my head the screens seemed to repel water and keep it outside, I have no idea why. Then it was an all out torrential downpour with large gusts of wind in every which direction. I noticed the drapery in the living room was getting wet so I closed the window and ventured off to my room to get a towel. Walked in my room and realized my room was in the middle of Hurricane Albert. I had no idea what to do. I ran through the house closing all the windows and then tried to clean up the puddles in my room (we have wood floors all through the apartment... did I mention they are they are the original wood boards from the 1950s? No?). Water had been gushing in my room for at least 15 minutes while I was off in La-La-Land. One of my windows is directly above a wall socket where I have things plugged. So I am trying to avoid being electrocuted while turning off the surge protector and cleaning up the aftermath.
Mustard Cream
Although I am not super grouchy when I wake up, I am also not super awake either. When I wake up in the mornings everything is pretty foggy. Kind of like what is described by people coming off hardcore drugs, that is about what I experience in the morning. I have no idea what the heck the noise is that is so consistent and annoying or who I am or whose apartment I have ended up in or why I am so hungry. Maybe that is not the typical drug addicts crash but that is what seems to happen to me when I wake up, especially when it is 6:30 in the morning (I know, I know... so many people wake up earlier than that and are chipper and poop bunnies, whatever). It takes my poor little brain a while to wake up. One morning, recently, I rolled out of bed, showered, and blow dried my hair. Somewhere in between I turned on my hair straightener. I have no recollection of performing this task, but I usually can't remember if I have washed my hair when in the shower (or how many times I just washed my hair). So as I am grabbing my hair straightener to turn it on, from the ceramic side of course, I feel the heat from the straightener. What do I do? Why slam my hand on the straightener to make sure I wasn't dreaming. Mustard does help with burns, they should turn that into a cream. Mustard cream. I would buy that ... wait.
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