Analyzing Fantasizing

Everyone fantasizes. Everyone has a fantasy or fantasies. There are so many things we desire as people. I watched The Life of David Gale today. It has been years since I have watched this movie and I never noticed some of the things said in the movie, I just sat and mindlessly watched. I am not saying that it holds the keys to life or anything like that, but anything you watch you can most likely find something that points you to the Gospel. Just saying, try it. Anyway, one of my favorite quotes from this movie is, “Fantasies have to be unrealistic. Because the minute- the second – that you get what you want, you don’t- you can’t- want it anymore.” Uhhh, wow! That is an amazing way to describe sin.

When you think about a particular act of sin it sounds like a great idea. You think about it and let it soak in and you debate on it and it just rolls around in your head for a while. But the minute- the second- that you act on it, it wasn’t enough. There is something more. Something more to be wanted or something more to be gained, so you think on that act for a while and you debate on it and so on. It is like a drug. Once you start you are hooked and just can’t stop. Let’s use alcohol as an example. Say you hang out with someone on a regular basis who drinks quite a bit, maybe even gets drunk. You are of age and decide to start drinking with them. (Drinking is not the sin here, the act of getting drunk is). So you think about maybe drinking a little more than usual because your friend seems to have a good time and you want to be part of all that. So you weigh the options and try it once. Once you have done it you may want to do it again, even if you didn’t necessarily like it the first time. So you do it again, and again, and … you get the point. This becomes habitual. You couldn’t stop, you just wanted more because the initial act wasn’t enough when you started.

How about something that seems a little less harmless at the beginning, making money. Everyone likes to have money. You start working somewhere and work hard enough and begin climbing the ladder. You are married and have kids but you are still working just as hard as you were before and making even more money. You are never home and your kids barely know you. The only thing they know about you is mommy/daddy loves their job. The only reason you wanted to work so hard in the first place was to be able to give them a nice house and a nice life, but you forgot that your kids need both parents. Your kids begin to despise you because you are never home and they only see you as an ATM. Your spouse also has a hard time loving you because your lifestyle choices say you care more about your job than your spouse. You have lots of money and a nice house that you are never in, your “dream” or “fantasy” have become a reality you never thought possible. All of it ends miserably.

Sin starts small. Some times we see it coming and other times we are completely blind-sided. Once we get that small little taste of it, we want more. We can’t help it. We were made to crave something and when we do not feel satisfied with what we are trying to fill ourselves with, we try to get more and more and MORE. God created us to desire Him. He created us to crave the love of something so much bigger than ourselves, Him.  We see it even in the Garden of Eden in Genesis. God created us in His own image. All through scripture we see that God desires our fellowship and that He loves us far beyond our own comprehension. He desires that we are filled with Him. As I read through the Old Testament and I read the laws of the time, I see God’s heart and how He desires us to be holy as He is holy. He created us to be like Him and wants us to seek Him and be like Him. Even in today’s world we see little boys wanting to be like their daddy. Picture this, a grown man walking in the snow. His little boy is following behind him and trying to put his feet in his daddy’s footprints. The footprints are spread much further apart and are much larger than the little boys own footprints. It is precious to see this little boy trying to be like his daddy. Although he cannot keep pace like his daddy or even walk in as big of strides like his daddy, he tries anyway. God desires that very thing from us. He wants us to try. We are people and we are going to have thoughts about sin. He wants us to look to Him in those times and to choose Him. He did not create us to have a robotic reaction to things. He gave us a brain and He gave us the act of free will to do choose how we react to things. When those thoughts start rolling around in your head, how do you choose to react?

PS This is not the content of the movie, so don’t run out and buy it thinking it is going to make you holier or make your rethink everything you thought you knew about in life (it is rated R for language, sexual content, and nudity … hope you know where I am going with this, it had two good quotes lol). Here is a Christian Movie review if you are interested to know more: http://www.pluggedin.com/videos/2003/q1/lifeofdavidgale.aspx. 

What's Done is Done

A few posts ago I talked about what I was learning in the book of Numbers. Well, I am still in the book of Numbers. It is one of those books that take a while to get through. Although it takes a while there is so much to be learned from Moses, Aaron, Miriam, the Israelites and all the other history in there. Today I read a huge chunk (chapters 11-17). There is so much in there it is hard to pick just one little area to tell you about, but I will try J.

Reading through the book of Numbers there is a common theme to be displayed, whining and complaining. The Israelites always found something to whine and complain about. In chapter 11 they complain about not having meat and only eating manna. The LORD said, “You shall not eat just one day, or two days, or five days, or ten days, or twenty days, but a whole month, until it comes out at your nostrils and becomes loathsome to you, because you have rejected the LORD who is among you and have wept before Him, saying, ‘Why did we come out of Egypt?’” (Numbers 11:19-20). Then in chapter 13 the LORD tells Moses and Aaron to send out spies into the land of Canaan. They send out the spies and come back with conflicting reports. By chapter 14 the people are rebelling and trying to fix problems their own way, which ends in the deaths of many. Then in chapter 16 you are introduced to Korah, Dathan, and Abiram who start a rebellion and have 250 followers. This rebellion ends with Korah, Dathan, and Abiram’s families and possessions being swallowed whole by God opening up the ground. Those who followed in the rebellion were plagued and died. Yet, every single time the Israelites began to rebel or whine or complain, Moses interceded for them in prayer. When he spoke with the LORD about all of these he begged God to spare their lives. Why? Why would he want the lives spared of such men?

I honestly believe because of Moses’ relationship with God he understood the meaning of being separated eternally from God. He valued his relationship with God so much and knew God’s character well enough that when he would labor for them in prayer and when he would have those conversations with God, he knew if the people were not spared they might not end up on the good side of eternity. He loved God deeply and passionately. Moses’ love for God was evident in his dealings with the Israelites. He had such an intimate relationship with God and wanted others to have the same. He did not want to see his people perish. Moses was the meekest man on the face of the Earth (Numbers 12:3) and yet he spoke to God about some of the most difficult subjects. He had a health fear of God but was also the only one speaking to God face-to-face as friends or brothers would. Moses loved God more than anything else. He had such a deep understanding of being separated from God that no one else at that time seemed to understand.

Moses understood that this was worth fighting for, he was constantly fighting for the wrath of God to be held back from the Israelites. He labored in prayer for their salvation. He begged God. At one point he told God he could no longer bear the burden alone that the people had placed upon him. God brought 70 men into his life and “took some of the spirit that had been placed on him and shared it with the 70 elders,” (Numbers 11:25). He did not make Moses carry the burden alone (this particular verse is in reference to the whining/complaining the Israelites were doing over not having meat), God shared Moses’ burdens with the elders. God loved (loves) Moses and when Moses requested things from God He responded. God knew Moses’ heart in these situations and Moses knew that God did not want the Israelites to perish.

God did not force the Israelites to obey Him, just as He does not force us to obey Him now. He does not want us to be robots, He gave us free will and emotions and a brain for a reason. He wants us to use them for His glory. When we do not seek out His glory and do His will, there are consequences. He knows what it means to be separated from Him, He is all knowing and completely 100% knows what Hell is like and what separation from Him is like. We do not have a very good grasp on this. Everything to us currently, here on this earth, is temporary. We do not fully grasp the gravity of eternity. An eternity with God is fan-friggin-tastic. An eternity without God is far beyond what words can describe. Not just that, but I cannot describe it because I have not experienced it, and thank the LORD that I will not have to experience that.

Think about all the people you know that do not know Christ. Think about the eternal suffering they will have without Christ. Things on this earth may be fun and temporary, but once they die there is no such thing as temporary. Their fate will be sealed with the kiss of death. When they die there is no more sharing the gospel with them, no more praying that they might come to know Christ, there is no more… what’s done is done. Sharing the gospel with family and friends may be difficult (extremely difficult) and they may not understand that by you sharing with them is you saying you love them. They do not understand what it means to be without Christ for eternity, heck you and I do not understand that fully either. This I do know, scripture says there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. It also says that they will thirst and have nothing to quench their thirst, they will beg for a drop of water and yet we will not be able to give them the tiniest bit of relief. Their fate has been sealed once they leave this earth. Labor in prayer for your loved ones and share your faith with them.

Paul wrote in Philemon 6, “and I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective for the full knowledge of every good thing that is in us for the sake of Christ.” The “book” of Philemon, the whole one page of it, is a letter from Paul to Philemon in regards to Onesimus. Onesimus was a slave who had stolen from Philemon. Onesimus came to know the LORD and Paul was sending him back to Philemon, he offered to pay Philemon back for anything/everything Onesimus took from him. The letter was his plea for Philemon to accept Onesimus back. Verse 6 sticks out as such an encouragement from the whole book. “I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective…” Paul understood just like Moses understood. Paul had his set of misfortunes and his run ins with people who whined and complained. Paul continued praying and laboring no matter what. Both Moses and Paul dearly loved the LORD with all their heart, mind, and soul. From the point of their conversion until their death, they lived to please the LORD. Yes, they were human and they still sinned but they lived in a manner that was pleasing to God. They got it, they understood that being separated from God for eternity was the worst possible thing anyone could ever imagine. They did anything and everything they could to push everyone they could toward Christ. These men were great men of the faith, as were many other men in history. I pray for you, whoever you are, that the sharing of your faith may become effective for the full knowledge of every good thing that is in us for the sake of Christ. Moses labored in prayer and in deed for the souls of men to be won for Christ. He did not do it for self-gain, He did it for Christ’s gain. He did it because he loved them and loved the LORD. Paul labored in prayer and in deed for the souls of men to be won for Christ. Paul too did not do this for self-gain, but for the gain of Christ. Paul too did this because He loved them and loved the LORD.

Bless others with Christ’s love. Christ loved the world so much that He came and died for the world. Share that love with those that you love … 

Trivial Pursuit

As women we crave to be loved, cared for, held, and valued. We want to be told we are pretty and we want to feel pretty when we are around men. God made us to be different from men for a reason. Women have the role or responsibility to respond to men. Men have the role or responsibility to initiate to women (talking about initiating relationships here). God gave all things a particular order for a reason. To be honest, as a single and rather independent woman I have problems with His order occasionally. And yes, by occasionally I mean usually. I am in the trade of heart breaking, you see. Not the hearts of men, but rather my own heart over and over and over again. Sadly it is a repeating cycle, many times the poor man is unsuspecting and has no idea that I am taking a hammer with a pretty little picture of his face on it and shattering my own heart. Why do I do this? Well, not for fun… that is for sure. This is because I am going outside of God’s designed order and trying to create my own. I am basically saying that waiting for God’s best is taking to long and well, I’ll take that one. Then I realize I have made a mistake and not obeyed Christ and have, once again, shattered my own heart. I am left to pick up the pieces and bring them back to God and with tear filled eyes am begging Him to glue my heart back together.

When I go outside of God’s designed order I mess everything up, not that God cannot bless it, but because it is not what He has intended for me. (Mind you, He is not shocked that I am doing this … He knows all things and knows that I am a major screw up). God made men to want to be the leader. He made them to be the head of the household. When we as women go and try to lead, even by asking a man out on a date, it screws the whole thing up. I have used the excuse, “how will he know I like him back if I don’t show him in some way?” Well, asking him out is not the way to do that … that is for darn sure! When we put the metaphorical “pants” on in that relationship the guy begins to feel as if they are no longer needed as the leader and they fall in to passivity. That is not the way things were intended to be.   

“You see when God created male and female He created an object lesson a parable as it where of His entire redemptive plan. Manhood and womanhood, gender, sex, marriage all of those are mini lessons that proclaim the gospel. And when we talk about seeing Christ in the Old Testament we see Christ even in His creation of who He created us to be as male and female. The reason history started with God creating a man and a woman and a marriage, the reason it started with a man, a woman, and a marriage is because it is going to end with a man, a woman, and a marriage. That’s why! It will end when Christ the bridegroom is united with His bride the church and the two become one. This marriage will be consummated throughout eternity. That’s why we have male and female, it’s not about me, it’s not about my husband, and it’s not about you as men and women. It’s about displaying a story. We tell a story by virtue of how we live our lives as men and women.”

 - Mary Kassian, the Gospel Coalition, the Feminist Mistake.

There is much more to God’s design then us as women not being allowed to ask a man out on a date or take control of the relationship. God designed it to be a representation of Christ and the love He has for His bride. Honestly, everything comes back to the gospel so this should come as no surprise that marriage is a picture of the gospel. Christ loved the church so much that He was willing to lay His life down for her. When your boyfriend or fiancé or husband thinks that you might be in danger, what do they do? They run to the rescue no matter the cost, even if it may cost them their life. They love you enough to lay their life down for you. It is the gospel.

“We tell the story of the gospel with who we are as male and female. We uphold the gospel and that’s why it matters. … That is why gender is at the epicenter of the battle right now. Because if Satan can mar the image of male and female, what he is maring and what he is obscuring and what he is twisting is the story of the gospel and the display of the gospel.”

 - Mary Kassian, the Gospel Coalition, the Feminist Mistake

Does that not shake you up, even just a little? “If Satan can mar the image of male and female, what he is maring and what he is obscuring and what he is twisting is the story of the gospel and the display of the gospel.” There have been many times I have been so curious to know how a guy feels about me that I have wanted to scream and I have wanted to march right up to the man and say, “what the heck is going on here?” or even “what the heck are we?” Yet, I forget somehow if he likes me and if it is what God has planned, God will tell that guy we need to have a conversation and we need to figure things out. Now, I am not saying that we should be pulled around like little puppies on a string forever not knowing and being allowed to be led on, but I am saying if we trivialize what God has set up then we are messing with the whole process. God has set up the gender roles for a reason, even if we don’t like them. The grass is always greener on the other side.

This makes me think about every time I have liked a guy, and then have had my little heart crushed (unsuspected by him) when I find out he doesn’t like me back, or he has another girl in mind that he would like to pursue. There is nothing wrong with liking a member of the opposite sex, but when we take that and turn it into something far more we open ourselves up to heartbreak. When we do not let men be men we are taking away from what God has designed. Here is another personal example (no names used here). I have had many guy friends over the years. During college I can name and count the guys I have had crushes on and how I ended up breaking my own heart when they trusted me with the secret of who they were praying to pursue or finding out I am not the apple of this or that guy’s eye. Yeah, not an easy thing to deal with, but there are more than I want to mention and most of those guys don’t even know that they are “those” guys. When we try to take matters into our own hands and ignore the council given to us, God allows us to fall down. Even though we fall down, He is right there to pick us back up. He does not want us to trivialize the pursuit He has put in place. He sought us out and wants the men to seek us out as well.

Let men be men and let them be the ones to pursue. I write this mainly as a reminder to myself but also to those who are always wishing that this guy or that guy would like them or want to be their boyfriend or what not. It all pretty much boils down to contentment. When we are not content in where God has us we are much less likely to trust Him. When we do not trust Him we are trusting in something else, most likely ourselves. This means that we have made ourselves our own god. Let me tell you, we are not very good gods, that is why God is God. All of that to say, when we do not trust God and we trust ourselves we do what we want to get a result, even if it is not the one we want. In my case (in the past) I wanted to know so badly if this or that guy liked me so I would have other guy friends find out who that guy liked (this would be after months of being agonized by liking whoever the guy was). Yeah, it would come as a huge shock when it wasn’t me. Sometimes I would pray for months that God would show me how the guy felt, when I found out it wasn’t the same as me … well you get the point. God has a specific plan and when we try to make our own plan and ignore His, we get hurt.

Are you content or are you trying to make things happen for yourself?

"It ain't gonna be easy, but nothing worth it ever is."

Walking through the living room I heard two men on a television show talking. The only part of the conversation I heard was one man telling another “It ain’t going to be easy.” The other man replies back, “Nothing worth it ever is.”  Wow! Such words of wisdom from, well I have no idea what show it was from because I was just passing through, but powerful none-the-less. This phrase has echoed through my mind for the past few months. I see it played out often and have used it when talking to friends about things going on in their lives. I have used it when applying things to my own life. Nothing worth it is ever easy. Think about the things you value or find worth in …  Your spouse? Your kids? Your best friend? Your job? Your … anything else. Marriage is hard! Not that I know from experience but I know second hand knowledge. Having friends who are married and tell me about the struggles of marriage, “it ain’t easy.” Friends that have kids, and well, my poor poor parents. Having kids is not an easy thing, yet it is worth it to raise them and to love them. Having a best friend is not easy. Anything where there is more than just you, well it is not going to be easy. But think about the friendships or relationships you value the most … how many arguments or disagreements or frustrations have you endured? You look back now and most likely say, “It was worth it.”

We do not fight for things if we do not think they are worth it to us. I look back on some of the arguments I have had in the past and even the things I have spent my money on and ask my self why I thought it was worth it. Ecclesiastes (the entire book) shows us that everything outside of living for Christ is “striving after the wind.” Keeping that in mind, reevaluating things that are worth it seem rather difficult to me. What is worth the money? What is worth the time? What is worth the effort? And so on and so forth. I am reading a book, Every Woman’s Battle, and in this book it poses the question “what are you storing up in your heart?” About a week ago, or so, our pastor mentioned the same question in his sermon, “what are you storing up in your heart?” (I think God has been trying to get me to reevaluate some things in my life, what do you think? J). Both my pastor and the author are getting at the same thing, the entertainment (movies, books, music, television, internet, hobbies, etc) that I watch/listen to/read/etc are all storing up in my heart. The overflow of the mouth comes from the heart. Am I showing Christ’s likeness from my mouth? If not, the worldliness escaping my lips are proof of what I hold as valuable.

We as people store up what we find the most valuable. There are people that collect Star Wars memorabilia and they count that as their most prized possession. Others stock pile their money, money is what they value most. Some hang on to pictures because they value the memories. Everyone has something they find valuable. Yet, is your most prized possession worth it? Is it worth the difficulty? Men lose their families because they become workaholics thinking more money will make their family happy and satisfied. The original intent was not bad, they value their family and want to take care of them yet they lose sight of their kids needing a dad and their wife needing a husband. They lost sight of the original commitment. Their idea of value somehow was switched and they now seek financial gain as their sense of security completely taking their eyes off “the prize,” Christ. Christ saw us as something so valuable and so worth it that He came to earth, was born in a smelly manger, lived a poor and humble life for 33 years, was crucified, and died. All because He believed that something so worth it would not be easy. He paid the ultimate sacrifice so that we could have a chance at knowing Him. Not just that, but scripture says that He being man was tempted in every way. He was tempted by anger, He was tempted with financial gain … get this He was even tempted with lust and sexual desire. Yet, He overcame it all. He lived a perfectly sinless life. He saw YOU as something so worth it that He would fight the fight for you, even 2,000 years ago so YOU could have a chance to come to know Him.

Christ knows that following Him is not easy. He knows that we are going to be tempted by things. Following Christ is not easy, but oh is it so very worth it! Living for Christ is the only thing that is truly worth anything. We cannot take our money, clothes, material possessions, entertainment, etc with us when we die. NO! It is temporary. We can only take with us the things we have stored up for eternity. Scripture tells us that all our words and deeds will be put to the test by fire. It says that all things of hay and stubble will be burned up but all things of gold and silver will come through. What do you see when you look at your life? God created us to glorify Him. Glorifying Him “ain’t gonna be easy, but nothing worth it ever is.”

Is what you are living for really worth living for?

Faithful Obedience

God’s word never ceases to teach me something new. No matter how many times I read over a particular section there is always something new to learn. In August of this year I decided I wanted to go through and re-read the Bible. It took me a year and a half (ish … maybe longer) to do it the last time so I decided to do it again. Well I finally made it to Numbers and if you have ever tried to read Numbers you know it is not necessarily the easiest to read. Yet, something about the Old Testament pulls me in and makes me excited to read more and to know more about what is being presented. My pastor calls himself a Old Testament nerd and I have come to find that I too love it dearly. I love the whole Bible but I really like knowing how everything came to be.

There are many cases in Numbers where the Israelites are obedient and show this in various ways, however, this is one of my favorite ways in which it is shown. In Numbers 9 I have seen what it truly looks like to trust God. I mean to really trust God. God told Moses when he and the people were to camp and when they were to travel. The people did exactly what they were told. We are not told if the people complained or if they drug their feet on hitting the road, all we are told is that they obeyed. So I take it like it is, the Israelites obeyed what God told them to do. If there was a cloud covering the Tabernacle they were to camp and stay where they were, they knew they would eventually be moving but they did not know how long they were going to be camped where they where or where they were going. They knew they were called to obedience. If the cloud was lifted from the Tabernacle they knew they were to pack up and head out.

“At the command of the Lord the people of Israel set out, and at the command of the Lord they camped. As long as the cloud rested over the tabernacle, they camped.”

~Numbers 9:18

The second half of verse 18 really gets me, “As long as the cloud rested over the tabernacle, they camped.” They really had no idea how long they were going to be there. That is amazing to me! I have a hard time waiting when I know how long I am going to be waiting, it is especially hard to wait on things when I have no idea when they are going to happen. From chapter 9 verse 15-23 it continues to repeat that the people were called to obedience and they obeyed. In scripture, as in other books (such as textbooks), repetition means REMEMBER THIS or KNOW THIS! Numbers 9 is no different. The repetition here tells me that we may not know how long God has us “camping” out in a certain area but we are called to obedience. We are to be where He has us, even if we do not like it very much. God has us where we are for a reason.

Here is a personal example of this whole idea of being where He has us even if I do not like what He has me doing. I love working with and ministering to international students. God has given me a very unique opportunity to work directly with over 1,000 students from other countries. My hearts desire is to live and work directly with them in their own countries. However, God has me camping out in the US for a while. I have no idea how long He is going to have me here. Yet I know He has a plan for my life and He knows far better than I. So as much as I want to be a bazillion miles away in another country I remain here doing what He has called me to do here. He has called me to obedience. Obedience in this situation means seeking Him daily and growing closer to Him.  That when He does lift the cloud and have me move from this camp to the next I cannot say I have wasted my time wishing I was somewhere else.

The Israelites were obedient beyond my comprehension. They did exactly what God told them to do. It was like the endurance version of the game Red Light, Green Light. They couldn’t really look to what was ahead because they had no specifics. God continued giving them reason to trust Him. We live in a society that teaches us to be independent and to look to ourselves only for everything we need. So as a Christian in this day and age a common struggle seems to be that of putting our full trust and obedience in Christ. God shows His faithfulness throughout His word but also everyday. He reminds us of the promise to take care of our needs with the rain. He reminds us of the promise He will not destroy the Earth again with floods by the rainbow after the rain. He reminds us of His love by giving us another chance everyday. He also promises to return someday and reminds us of this by death of people, plants, and animals. He reminds us daily of His promises and of our role. It is up to us to trust and obey. (Yes, I just used an old hymn reference … good luck getting that out of your head).